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Change of Season by Bill Ullman December 20, 2006 I live in Western Maine, in the foothills of the White Mountains. I recently read a magazine article that spoke about Maine's "three dismal seasons". I had not thought of it that way, so I decided to think about it. I probably shouldn't have. Here in western Maine winter begins in December. You know it has begun when families of mice, moles and the occasional red squirrel move into your house for the duration. As winter progresses there are lovely snows, usually followed by rain and a freeze that covers roads, driveways and walkways with a sheet of ice that greatly enhances the incomes of the hip-replacement guys. Winter is when puberty descends on the boy you have hired (a different one each year) to shovel the walkway so that you can get to your mailbox and garage. Puberty and snow shoveling are not compatible. Winter is a good time to stay indoors and rest. You know that winter has ended when the Big Melt starts and the local newspaper reports flooded basements and impassable submerged roads. "Spring" arrives in the form of mud, which your dog loves and brings as much as he can into your house. Visitors from Boston bring you flowers from their gardens, while you stare out the window at dead-looking trees and multiple little dirt piles on your still-grey lawn, created by the emergence of various burrowing rodents that couldn't find a way into your house and spent the winter underground chewing on any bulbs that you planted in the fall. Spring (without quotes), more commonly referred to as Black Fly Season, lasts about three weeks in the end of May and the beginning of June. Days may reach 90 degrees, but the nights often bring frost, killing half the vegetables and flowers you may have just planted. Spring is a good time to stay indoors and rest. You know that summer has arrived when there's no more night frost, you often need an air conditioner to get to sleep, and the black flies have been replaced by mosquitos, deer flies, spider webs in all corners of your house, and battalions of ticks on your dog. Summer is when the ozone level often approaches that found on Madison Avenue and 43rd street (thanks largely to wind-borne pollutants from coal-fired power plants in the Midwest), and you also notice that the diseases killing the birches and pines around your house are producing firewood faster than you need it. Summer is a good time to spend on your screened-in porch and rest. The only not-dismal season is fall. A good fall runs from early October into mid-November. It is a famously fabulous season -- so beautiful, so comfortable that you want to stop time in its tracks. Fall is a good time to get out of the house and exercise a bit, if you can find a place to do it without getting rear-ended or trampled by the hordes of visiting leaf-peepers from New Jersey. As soon as the leaf-peepers leave, moose and deer-hunting seasons start and run till December 1st; during this time there is a lot of solid lead in the air and you and the dog have to wear day-glow vests whenever you step off the property, so it is a good time to stay close to home and rest. Early December - just before the first snow - is when you notice that your roof needs major repair, the furnace is leaking or won't start, and none of the guys who handle those things will return your calls until - you guessed it — spring. At the southern entrance to the Maine turnpike is a large sign: "Maine — The Way Life Should Be." A bit of hyperbole, perhaps; but then most of those drivers had Massachusetts to deal with only minutes before. About the author: Retired guy, PHC cruiser | | | |
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