The Third Annual Joke Show


ONE LINERS

If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot them?

Why do they report power outages on TV?

If the black box survives a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the stuff?

Is there another word for synonym?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?

Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?

A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
So now you know why they call this a workstation...

So, what do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
Cliff.

What do you call a man with a spade in his head?
Doug.

Lawyers get disbarred and clergymen defrocked, so doesn't it make sense that ballplayers would be debased, politicians would be devoted, and cowboys be deranged, and models be deposed and Calvin Klein models be debriefed, and organ donors be delivered, and dry cleaners be depressed, decreased, and depleted!

The reason New Yorkers are depressed is because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.

Did you hear about the hurricane that hit New Jersey and inflicted eleven million dollars of improvements?

Did you hear about the invisible man who married the invisible woman? Yeah, their kids aren't much to look at either.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but you mean your mother.

How many dyslexics does it change to take a lightbulb?


Not the sharpest knife in the drawer, is he?

Doesn't have his belt through all the loops.

Where other people have a brain, he's got resonance.

A little light in the loafers.

Got an IQ that's about room temperature.

Got the IQ of garden tools.

Doesn't have the brain power to toast a crouton.

The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train just isn't coming.

He's so dense, light bends around him.

I don't think his URL allows outside access.

If you stand up next to him, you can hear the ocean.

A flash of light, a cloud of dust, and what was the question?

Looks like he played goalie for the darts team.

Definitely has a bad brains-to-testosterone ratio.

All booster, no payload.

I think he rode the Tilt-a-Whirl too long.

Hard to believe that he beat out a million other sperm.

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Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

Available now»

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