We always knew that you could get AIDS from sex and now President Clinton has showed us you can get sex from aides.
He never told Monica Lewinsky to lie.
He told her to lie down.
They had a President's Day Sale at Macy's -- all men's pants were half off.
They took a poll of American women, and they asked, "Would you have an affair with Bill Clinton?" and 70% said "NEVER AGAIN!!"
So ---- Dan Quayle, Newt Gingrich and Bill Clinton went to Emerald City to see the Wizard of Oz. And Dan Quayle says, "I'm going to ask the wizard for a brain." And Newt Gingrich says, "I am going to ask him for a heart." And Clinton says, "I wonder where Dorothy is?"
If you see a Bill Gates on a bicycle, should you swerve to hit him?
No. It might be your bicycle.
Why should Bill Gates be buried 100 feet deep?
Because deep down, he's a really good man.
What's the difference between God and Bill Gates?
God doesn't think he's Bill Gates.
So, a little boy and a little girl were talking on the playground and the little boy said, "My daddy's an accountant. What does your
daddy do for a living?"
She said: "My daddy's Bill Gates."
"Honest?" "No, I didn't say that."
Did you hear that after she broke her leg, Picabo Street, the Olympic skier, is donating money for a very special hospital wing?
It's going to be called the Picabo ICU.
Did you hear that Louise Woodward will shortly be taking over as manager of the Spice Girls?
The first thing she intends to do is drop Baby Spice.
Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).