The Third Annual Joke Show


PUNS

Did you hear there was a fire at a Basque movie theater and unfortunately there was only a single emergency exit door, so several people were trampled to death, which only goes to show: you shouldn't put all your Basques in one exit.

Did you hear that NASA has launched several Holsteins into low earth orbit? It was the herd shot around the world.

Hmmmmm. That new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. I'll bet you've been eating a lot of Hollandaise sauce, haven't you.
Yeah, I have.
I thought so. You see, Hollandaise sauce has lemon juice in it which is highly corrosive. So I'll have to make you a new plate, and this time instead of silver, I'll make it out of chrome.
Why chrome?
Well, there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise.

Did you hear that Miss Muffet and Saddam Hussein got together for a meeting last week to discuss their common problem?
They both have Kurds in their whey.

(DARTH): LUKE SKYWALKER, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GETTING FOR CHRISTMAS.
How do you know?
(DARTH) I FELT YOUR PRESENTS.

So---- Professor ---- back from the Rawalpindi archipelago, huh? Discover anything interesting out there?
Yes. The tribe has discovered a kind of palm frond that can be made into suppositories to cure constipation.
Do they really work?
Hey. With fronds like those, who needs enemas?

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocaine during his root canal?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.

LIGHT BULBS


How many conservative economists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.

How many chiropractors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but it takes nine visits.

How many IRS agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only one, but it really gets screwed.

How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?
The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
To get to the other side.

Back to Joke Page

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

Available now»

American Public Media © |   Terms and Conditions   |   Privacy Policy