The Third Annual Joke Show


YO MOMMA

Yo momma's so fat, when she gets in an elevator, she can only go down.

Yo momma's so fat, she could sell shade.

Yo momma's so fat, people jog around her for exercise.

Yo momma's so fat, she gets runs in her jeans.

Yo momma's so fat, when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.

Yo momma's so fat, they had to let out the shower curtain.

Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.

Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.

Yo momma's so fat, she can't even jump to a conclusion.

Yo momma so fat that when she was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.

Yo momma so fat when she wears a Malcolm X T-shirt, helicopters try to land on her back.

Yo momma so fat that her graduation picture was an aerial photograph!

Yo momma so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized

Yo momma so fat she's on both sides of the family!

Yo momma so fat she went on a date with high heels on and came back with sandals!!!

Yo momma's so fat she was zoned for commercial development.

Yo momma so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagen.

My momma is so skinny, her pajamas have only one stripe

Yo momma so ugly she'd scare a buzzard off a gut wagon.

Yo momma so ugly she looks like she's been bobbing for french fries!

Yo momma so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the cameras

Yo momma so ugly that when she sits on the beach, cats try to bury her.

Yo momma's so ugly, when she looks in the mirror, the reflection ducks.

Yo momma so ugly when she entered an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."

Yo momma so short you can see her feet on her driver's license!

Yo momma's house is so dirty she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.

Yo momma head so small that she got her ear pierced and died.

Yo momma lips so big, Chap Stick had to invent a spray.

Yo momma arms are so short, she has to tilt her head to scratch her ear.

Yo momma so dumb she thought that TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday

Yo momma so dumb she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death

Yo momma so dumb she sent me a fax with a stamp on it

Yo momma so dumb she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center

Yo momma so dumb she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats

Yo momma so dumb she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store

Yo momma so dumb she sold the car for gas money

Yo momma so dumb when she went to the movies, and they said "under 17 not admitted" she went home and got 16 friends

Yo momma so dumb when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur in the home, she moved

Yo momma so dumb when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead

Yo momma so dumb when she saw the sign that said, "Airport Left" she turned around and went home.

Yo momma's so fat, when she dances, she makes the band skip.

Yo momma's so fat, she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.

Yo momma's so fat, her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.

Yo momma's so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.

Yo momma's so fat, she has to iron her pants on the driveway.

Yo momma's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.

Yo momma's so fat, when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.

Yo momma's so fat, when she got her shoes shined, she had to take his word for it.

Yo momma is so ugly for Halloween she can trick-or-treat over the telephone!

Yo momma is so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."

Yo momma's so poor when she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken, she has to lick other people's fingers!!!

Yo momma's so poor when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!"

Yo momma 's so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.

Your momma's underarms are so hairy, she looks like she has somebody in a headlock.

Your momma is so ugly, if my dog looked like that, I'd shave his butt and walk him backwards.

Yo momma so nasty she joined the four horseman: war, death, famine, disease and Yo momma!

Yo momma's so dumb she went up on your roof because they said drinks were on the house!

Yo momma's so dumb she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing out the W's!

Yo momma's so dumb she only changed your diapers once a month because it said on the box "good for up to 20 pounds"!

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Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

Available now»

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