Prairie Home Companion - Jokes 1999 |
March 15, 1999
If you speak three languages you're tri-lingual.
A man is condemned to be hanged. They put the noose around his neck and ask, "Do you have any final words before we spring the trap?"
This really happened folks!
How many Episcopalians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A doctor goes into the same bar every night and orders the same drink, a pecan daiquiri. One night the bar tender sees him come in and starts to mix his drink and finds there are no pecans so he subsitutes hickory nuts. The bar tender serves the drink and the doctor sips it and says "this is not a Pecan Daiquiri" and the bar tender says "No, it's a hickory daiquiri doc".
A baby seal walks into a club. (from the "Bob & Tom" show)
Q: How do you know when the orchestra stage is level?
One day 3 men were walking on the beach. They saw an old lamp, and naturally, one of them picked it up and rubbed it. A genie came out and informed the men that since there were 3 of them, if it was okay, he would grant them each one wish. "well, sure", they said. The first man said, "Genie, I want to be the wisest man in the world." "okay", said the genie, and *pouf*, he was the wisest man in the world. "Genie, I want to be the richest man in the world." said the second man. "Okay", said the genie, and *pouf*, he was the richest man in the world. "So, what do you want?" the genie asked the third man. "Well, genie, I want to be even wiser than that guy, I want to be the wisest man in the universe, as wise as I can be." "Okay", said the genie, and *pouf*, he was a woman.
What's the last thing to go through a fly mind right before it hits the window? His butt.
q. Why did the buddhist tell the dentist not to give him any novacaine when he filled his tooth?