Prairie Home Companion - Jokes 1999 |
March 16, 1999
Why don't Baptists make love standing up?
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect sai he enjoyed time with his wire, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, I like both. "Both?"
Taking a break from a busy day of seeing patients, a proctologist goes golfing. He finishes the first hole, reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a rectal thermometer. "Dang it!" he says, "Some butthole has my pen."
An old Jew and an old chinaman are walking down the street, when suddenly the Jew turns and hits the chinaman,
I submit for your pleasure (?) and possible use in this year’s joke show the following two sets of groaners and two knock knocks "who’s there? Olive. Olive who? Olive me!" and my favorite knock knock joke: "You start ...."
Question: How many actors does it take to change a
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Reverend Dan was selling his horse. He placed his add in the paper and soon a buyer came calling. The buyer looked over the horse and decided the price was right for such a fine animal. Rev. Dan explained to the gentleman that the horse only responded to biblical commands. To make the horse go the command was "Praise the Lord", the command to make the horse stop was "Hallelujah". The man then handed Rev. Dan the money and climbed on the horse. "Praise the Lord", called the horses new owner. The horse responed by moving in a light trot. "Praise the Lord", said the man. The horse then picked up the pace. Amazed by this, the man then said one more time, "Praise the Lord". The horse then proceeded to run in full gallop. The man suddenly noticed that his new steed was fast approaching a ravine. "Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah", shouted the man. The horse then responded by sliding to a stop just inches from the edge of the ravine. The man then opened his eyes and looked down over the edge. He sighed his relief with the words, "Praise the Lord!"
So there are 6 potatoes standing on the street corner. How do you know which one is the prostitute?