A Prairie Home Companion Online Activities Archive

A Prairie Home Companion - Jokes 1999
March 21, 1999


Q: What do you call the sweat between two West Virginians making sweet, passionate love?

A: Relative Humidity.

Brian Wells, Queens, NY


There is a man, and he sees that someone is moving into the house next door to him, so he goes over to meet his new neighbor. He says, "What brings you to our town?" And the neighbor replies, "My job. I'm a professor of deductive reasoning at the university."
And the man says, "What exactly is deductive reasoning?"
So the neighbor explains, "I'll give you an example. You have a doghouse, so i deduce you have a dog."
"Right."
"And then I can deduce that you have kids."
"Correct."
"From that I can deduce that you have a wife."
"Yes."
"And from that I can deduce you are a heterosexual."
And the man says, "Ok, I see."
They finish talking and the man goes and talks to his other neighbor. "I was just talking to the new neighbor."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah, he's a professor of deductive reasoning."
"What's that?"
"I'll give you an example: do you have a doghouse?"
"No."
"Homo!"

Colin Powers, NY
Age: 17


How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know, it's never happened.

Emily Hardman, West Jordan, UT


Mr.and Mrs. Potato had three daughters who were as upstanding as they were lovely. One day the first daughter came home and announced "I have wonderful news- I'm getting married!".Her mother said "That's great! Who are marrying?" Her first daughter replied, "An Idaho potato!". The mother said, "Well, that is wonderful news- Idaho potatos are well known for their fine taste- this will be great for our family!"
Two weeks later the second daughter came home and announced "I have wonderful news- I'm getting married!".
Her mother said "That's great! Who are marrying?" The second daughter replied, "A Maine potato!". Her mother said, "Well, that is wonderful news- Maine potatos are well known for their sweetness- this will be great for our family!"
A few weeks after that the third daughter came home and announced "I have wonderful news- I'm getting married!". Her mother said "That's great! Who are marrying?" The third daughter replied, "Tom Brokaw!". Her mother said, "Oh no- not Tom Brokaw- he's just a common 'tater!"

Peter Hasler, Rochester, NY


Three guys walked into a bar...
Gee, you'd think one of them would have ducked!

Peter Shooner, OH
Age: 10


Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs who is sitting on top of an oil well?

A: Derek

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs who is sitting in a bush?

A: Barry

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs who is sitting in a coffee cup?

A: Joe

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs who is travelling at the speed of sound?

A: Mack

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs who is fond of rabbits?

A: Warren

Steve Martin, Cheyenne, WY


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