A Prairie Home Companion Online Activities Archive

A Prairie Home Companion - Jokes 1999
March 23, 1999


Scientists have discovered a food which takes away 98% of a married woman's sex drive-wedding cake.

Bruce Wilhelm, Cooperstown, ny


A very old couple walks into Divorce Court.

The old man says to the judge, "We want to get a divorce."

The judge says, unbelieving, "Just how old are you?"

"I'm 97 and my wife is 95."

"Well ... how long have you been married?", the judge asked.

"77 years.", the old man said.

The judge is mystified. "Why", he asks, "after 77 years of marriage, do you want a divorce now?"

The old woman pipes up, "We wanted to wait until the childred died."


Denny Huber, Boalsburg, PA


A little girl and little boy went on a picnic. The little girl after a while and a lot of lemonade needed to go potty. So she went off into the weeds and stomped down an area so she could do her "ladylike" squat and relieve herself. She saw the little boy head behind a tree and decided to see if he had the same kind of preparation and degree of difficulty. He just stood there and whizzed and she thought:

WOW! WHAT A HANDY LITTLE THING TO TAKE ALONG ON A PICNIC!

dina butcher, Bismarck, ND


What did the Grateful Dead fan say when he sobered up?

This music sucks!



Sam Mason, Jasper, IN


Define "perfect pitch" for a Banjo.

Throwing one in the dumpster without hitting the sides!

Sam Mason, Jasper, IN


Why do the Dutch wear wooden shoes?

To keep the woodpeckers away from their heads.

Ed Oom, MI
Age: 15


A Norwegian carrying a rock, a chicken, and a pail paused at a closed gate. He asked a Norwegian farm girl if she'd open the gate. She declined, saying, "You might make love to me." Snorted the Norsky, "How could I make love to you with a rock, a chicken and a pail in my arms?" "Vell," said the girl, "you could set the chicken down, put the pail over it, and then set the rock on top of the pail."

From Red Stangland's Norwegian Home Companion

Joel Olsen, St. Peter, MN


There's this bunch of bats hanging upside down in a
cave. One of them opens his eyes enough to see that
there's this other bat standing on the floor of the
cave.

The bat on the ceiling says, "What in blazes are you
doing?"

"Yoga."

Jim Mica, Ithaca, NY


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