A Prairie Home Companion Online Activities Archive

A Prairie Home Companion - Jokes 1999
March 23, 1999

Papa Duck, Mama Duck, and Baby Duck were waddling down the path by the river. Papa Duck stopped, put his head between his legs, straightened up, and said, "My instincts tell me it is time to go north."

Mama Duck stopped, put her head between her legs, straightened up, and said, "My instincts tell me it is time to go south."

Baby Duck stopped, put his head between his legs, straightened up, and said, "My instincts too, but it doesn't tell me which way to go!"

Mary Ellen Braithwaite, Blackfoot, ID

A man walks into a bar and orders three double shots of bourbon and tells the bartender to leave the bottle. The bartender, ever the provider of solace, asks "what's troubing ya man?" The man replies, "I just found out my brother was gay."
The following week, the same man walks into the same bar and orders the same drink and the bartender asks, "what's the matter, friend?" The man replies, "I just found out my other brother is gay."
Two days later, the man walks into the bar again and this time orders whiskey, as he will feel the effects even faster. The bartender asks, "Jeez, man, doesn't anyone in your family like women?!!" The man replies, "Yeah, my wife."

J. Royce, Amherst, MA

Comparing the easy movement of 35E through St.Paul to the mass confusion of 35W through Minneapolis:
35W is Jesse Ventura and 35E is Garrison Keillor

Blanche Johnson, Duluth, Mn

Recently, Al Gore claimed that he invented the Internet. If thats true, then Mike Tyson invented the hearing aid

Edward Saviy, PA
Age: 15

Michelle Pfiefer has a new movie out called "The Deep End of the Ocean." The Deep End of the Ocean also happens to be where her career is heading.

Edward Savoy, PA
Age: 15

It is argued that "I am" is the shortest sentence in the English language. If so, "I do" is the longest.

bebe Oh, VA
Age: 15

A rabbi, a Hindu preist, and an attorney were traveling together late one night when their car broke down on a country road. They go to a near-by farm house to get help. The farmer says they will have to spend the night and go for help in the morning. However, he only has two beds but there is a cot in the barn. So the rabbi says, "I'll sleep in the barn". A few minutes later he returns to the house and says "can't sleep in the barn there is a pig in there. Jews cannot sleep with pigs". "OK", says the Hindu, "I'll sleep in the barn". He return shortly. "Hey, there is a cow in the barn with the pig". I can't share space with a cow, it's not proper". So the attorney say "I'll sleep in the barn". A few miniutes later, there is a knock on the farm house door, the farmer opens the door and it's the pig and the cow.

Suzanne Burch, Decatur, GA

Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him what?

A super callused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis

Paul Nafziger, Archbold, OH

Why did the 3 dumb blondes freeze at the drive-in theater?

They went to see: "Closed for the Winter."

Hannah Schleuder, IA
Age: 13

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