A Prairie Home Companion Online Activities Archive

A Prairie Home Companion - Jokes 1999
March 29, 1999

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again she tried to make the step onto the bus only to discover she still couldn't!

So, a little more embarrassed she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, much to her chagrin, could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.

So, with a coy little smile to the driver she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.

About this time the big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus.

Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero screeching at him, "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!"

At this the Texan drawled "Well ma'am, normally I would agree with you. But after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends."

Tom Betz, Dobbs Ferry, NY

Two storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork and baby stork. The baby stork is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him. "Don't worry, son. Your mother will come back. She's only bringing people babies and making them happy."

The next night, it's father's turn to do the job. Mother and son are sitting in the nest, the baby stork is crying, and mother is saying "Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he's bringing joy to new mommies and daddies."

A few days later, the stork's parents are desperate: their son is absent from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents ask him where he's been all night.

The baby stork says, "Nowhere. Just scaring the hell out of college students!"

Tom Betz, Dobbs Ferry, NY

Ole invites the game warden to go fishing. The game warden says, "Sure," and pretty soon they're fishing on a beautiful, warm day, out in the middle of the lake, in Ole's boat. But the fishing's slow. In fact, after a couple of hours neither one has had so much as a nibble.

So Ole opens his tackle box, and as the game warden looks on in surprise, Ole takes a stick of dynamite from the tackle box, lights it, and tosses it overboard. BOOM!

A couple of minutes later, stunned fish float to the surface, and Ole scoops 'em up into the boat.

The game warden starts yelling, "Ole! You fool! You idiot! You could have gotten us killed! And for another thing, that's unsportsmanlike! Ole - I have to tell ya' - I'm gonna have to arrest ya'." And the game warden keeps spouting on and on and on.

After a couple of minutes, Ole calmly reaches into the tackle box, takes out another stick of dynamite, lights it, and tosses the dynamite right into the warden's lap.

"OK, Warden, what's it gonna be?" says Ole. "Are ya' gonna keep talkin', or are ya' gonna fish?"

Dave Warrington, Fairfax, VA

My Jokes

A man walks up to another man and inquires what is occupation is. The man replies "I'm a toilet cleaner". The first man then asked if the occupation is a growing one and if it is a good one to join. The second man then says back,"Oh yeah after three years they actually give you a brush."

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Write on your all of your checks in the for space:
For : sensual massage

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Messichef Williams, Age: 13

A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her it is still experimental and tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner. So, that night at dinner, she does.

About a week later she's back at the doctor. She says, "Doc, the pill worked great!! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't five minutes and he jumps up, rakes all the food and dishes on the floor, grabs me, rips all my clothes off and ravages me right there on the table!"

The doctor says, "I'm sorry, we didn't realize the pill was that strong.

The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages."

"Naah... ", she says, "that's okay. We aren't going back to that restaurant anyway."

Tom Betz, Dobbs Ferry, NY

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