Prairie Home Companion - Jokes 1999 |
April 1, 1999
What's Irish and stays out all night?
What do you call a blonde who dyed her hair brown
Many people are unaware that J. S. Bach was an avid horseman. Much of his musical inspiration came while riding. So it was a disasterous day when the great composer's horse tripped, smashing poor Johann to the ground. In extreme pain, J. S. had to stay in bed and could not concentrate on composing.
Three men died and were waiting at Heaven's gate. St. Peter approached and told the men they'd have to answer a question before being admitted. The first man stepped foward and St. Peter asked him, "Tell me the true meaning of Easter." The man replied, "Oh that's when the guy in the red suit flies around and drops toys down chimneys." St. Peter shook his head in dispair and told the man to stand off to the right. The second man stepped foward and was asked the same question. He replied, "That's whe the rabbit hides eggs and children search for them and eveyone eats chocolate." St. Peter was again dispointed and told this man to join the first. The third man came up and was asked the question. His response was, "That's when our Lord was hung on the cross. He died and was placed in the tomb. After three days His disciples came and rolled back the stone. He came out, saw His shadow, and we had six more weeks of winter.
Why did the turtle cross the road?
How do you tell a Republican?
A woman is awakened from a deep sleeep at 2AM by her husband who hands her a glass of water and 2 aspirins.
What do you call an agnostic, insomniac with dyslexia?
Here'a a second joke. Maybe a bit intellectual but you can try it on Governor Jesse.