Prairie Home Companion - Jokes 1999 |
April 6, 1999
VIAGRA - New and cheaper pill is called 1-2-3-4. To get the desired result you just say 1-2-3 and there it is until you say 1-2-3-4. I took one, got into bed, reached for my bride and said 1-2-3 -- she rolled over and asked "What did you say 1-2-3-for?"
Phillip Glass has opened a resturarant. There's only one item on the menu, but you can have it as many times as you want.
Oscar prediction for the millineum: In the year 2000 Keanu Reeves will win Best Actor for his leading role in the film biography of Vice-President Al Gore.
DRUNKEN TALEA drunk was driving home, after an evening at his favorite bar, when a policeman pulled him over.The policemen asked the driver if he had been drinking.The driver admitted he'd "had a few".The policeman then asked the driver, "Did you know your wife fell out of your vehicle about two intersections back down the street?"The drunk threw his hands in the air and shouted, 'Thank Heaven! Thank God! I thought I suddenly went deaf!!"
Boy: "Grampa, can you make a noise like a frog?"Gramps: "I don't know, why do you want me to sound like a frog?"Boy: " I heard Mom say as soon as you croak we can all go to Disney World."
Here's a few...When I stopped the bus to pick up Chris for preschool, I noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house. "Is that your grandmother?" I asked. "Yes," Chris said. "She's come to visit us for Christmas.""How nice," I said. "Where does she live?""At the airport," Chris replied. "Whenever we want her we just go out there and get her."
GRAFFITI!!Graffiti on a toilet-seat protector dispenser in a men's room (Huntsville, AL): "I used one of these things, but she still got pregnant!!"