A Prairie Home Companion Online Activities Archive

A Prairie Home Companion - Jokes 1999
April 7, 1999

there are three__________ college kids in a biology class together; all three are A students. they decided to go to a party over the weekend instead of studing for their final, since they were such great students after all. Monday morning they skipped the exam and told the professor that they had had a flat tire and couldn't get back into town in time for the test. "No problem" said the professor, "you four just go into separate rooms and take the test unsupervised"The first question was a cinch, but the second question was "Which Tire?"

louise render, corinth, tx

While not exactly a joke, I think the following "Kitty Haiku" will give you a laugh. Mebbe it can even be used by customers at "Bertha's Kitty Boutique". You never feed me.
Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.
That will sure show you.

You must scratch me there!
Yes, above my tail!
Behold, elevator butt.

The rule for today
Touch my tail, I shred your hand.
New rule tomorrow.

In deep sleep hear sound
cat vomit hairball somewhere
will find in morning.

Grace personified.
I leap into the window.
I meant to do that.

Blur of motion, then
--silence, me, a paper bag.
What is so funny?

The mighty hunter
Returns with gifts of plump birds
--Your foot just squashed one.

You're always typing.
Well, let's see you ignore my
sitting on your hands.

My small cardboard box.
You cannot see me if I
can just hide my head.

Terrible battle.
I fought for hours. Come and see!
What's a 'term paper'?

Kitty likes plastic
Confuses for litter box
Don't leave tarp around

Small brave carnivores
Kill pine cones and mosquitoes
Fear vacuum cleaner

I want to be close
to you. Can I fit my head
inside your armpit?

Valerie Anderson, Cayce, SC

There was a brunette who was jumping on the train tracks while chanting 22, 22, 22. A blonde saw her and decided that it looked interesting and jumped on the tracks and started to chant with her, 22, 22, 22. Then along comes a big train and the burnette jumps out of the way but the blonde gets run over. The brunette gets back on the track...23, 23, 23.

Clodagh Fiona, Age: 15

I knew my friend was in trouble at a party recently when a party game asked the question, "What movie title best describes your sex life?" My friend replied, "Days of Thunder".H is wife replied, "While You Were Sleeping".

Brian Bull, St. Paul, MN

A frog goes in to a bank,jumps up on the counter and asks the teller for a loan.The Teller says, "You need to go over and see Patty Whack, our Loan Officer."So the frog goes over to Patty and says," I need a Loan."Patty tells the frog " You? Why your just a frog I can't give you a loan! You need colateral, and all you have is that little statue your holding !", And the frog says "It's a nick-knack, Patty Whack, give a frog a loan !!"

Mike Grandeau, Zion, Il

A chicken is lying in bed next to an egg. Both are smoking a cigarette. The chicken says to the egg, "Well, I guess that settles that."

Paula Hannaford, Surry, VA

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