Joke Submissions

Here they are, hundreds of jokes, painfully and painstakingly categorized...the good, the bad, the above average and the very, very ugly.

We received just over 1000 jokes for this year's show. A number of them were used by Garrison and the cast.

Thanks to all who submitted jokes. And if you didn't hear your joke on this year's show, try again next year. We are always looking for more jokes.

The Final Joke of the Day:

Many years ago, a tiny island nation in the South Pacific was home to some of the finest woodworkers who ever lived. Unfortunately, no one ever found about these legendary artisans since the only pieces they ever produced were thrones for the king of the island. It was a tradition that every year, on the first day of summer, the old throne would be burned in a massive bonfire and the woodworkers would present the king with their newest masterpiece, an ornate and beautiful throne they spent all year carving and shaping. The king would rule from the new royal seat and then destroy it at the next year's summer festival.

One year, a new king ascended to the throne and spoke to his council of elders. "It's a foolish thing to take these beautiful pieces of art and destroy them every year! Someone should save them for future generations to enjoy."

But one of his ministers quickly pointed out, "Sire, this is a small island, and much of the land has been taken. We have no room to build a museum."

Thinking quickly, the king proposed a solution. "I have the answer. We will build a second story onto the royal hut, and we shall store the thrones there."

The king's plan worked beautifully for a few years. Every year, he would summon the strongest men on the island to carry the thrones up into the second floor of the royal hut and add them to the collection. But on the fifth year, the floor finally could take no more, and the royal hut collapsed, killing the king and his whole family.

The moral of the story? People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.

Matt Zimmerman, Charlottesville, VA

1999 - 4th Annual
1998 - 3rd Annual
1997 - 2nd Annual
1996 - Inaugural Show

Jokes: By Category


Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

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