What Has Happened to Me Since Tuesday
October 15, 1997


THE CHAT

Gkeillor: Hello everybody. It's chilly in Minnesota. Saturday night after PHC and we ate outdoors at a restaurant in St. Paul and on Sunday it rained all day and on Monday winter breathed on us. That night, it snowed a little.

Gkeillor: The topic today is What has happened to me since Tuesday and I'll go first since I'm the oldest.

Gkeillor: My wife went to her parents' lake cabin for a couple days and yesterday morning I got up and fixed myself a guy's breakfast.

Gkeillor: Fried eggs and bacon and beans.

Gkeillor: Worked in the morning on Writers Almanac and also answered some posts for a Salon magazine discussion group on Dreiser's SISTER CARRIE.

Gkeillor: Drove in to St. Paul to record the Almanac and stopped to get gas at a self-service station near home. My tank was below Empty.

Gkeillor: The gas pump wouldn't pump so I pressed the Talk button and an angry woman inside the station yelled that The pump does too work. Someone just got done using it.

Gkeillor: As if I were ten years old and none too bright.

Gkeillor: So I flipped the pump switch a couple times.

Gkeillor: She came on the squawk box and yelled, Stop flipping it!

Gkeillor: That was enough for me.

Gkeillor: I got in my car and drove to another self-serve and got out and started pumping.

Gkeillor: I got about a dollar's worth in and a car pulled up and a woman jumped out and yelled, Did you just come from the Auto Stop?

Gkeillor: She said, "You just skipped out on $3.79 worth of gas."

Vonni: You're brave on empty and with THAT breakfast

Gkeillor: I said that couldn't be true. The pump didn't work. The pump meter showed zeros. I could not feel any gas going through the nozzle.

Gkeillor: I said, Look at my gas gauge. It's below empty.

Gkeillor: She said, I don't have time for that. You skipped out, mister. You owe me $3.79, and if you don't pay me, I'm going to have to call the cops.

Gkeillor: I immediately thought of all those faded show business figures who've been arrested for shoplifting.

Gkeillor: Ridiculous little things worth a few bucks. Always an old actress.

Gkeillor: I could see it in the St. Paul paper ----- KEILLOR ARRESTED FOR $3.79 GAS HEIST.

Gkeillor: The woman was talking in a loud voice about how people have no respect for the law. I fished into my pocket for the money. I paid her.

Gkeillor: I could see another woman who was putting gas into her van ---- she looked over and gave me a look of such pity.

Gkeillor: As if to say, I hope that poor man gets into a program and deals with his problem.

Gkeillor: I am still trembling inwardly. I come from a part of the country that is second to none in Self Righteous Indignation. I feel that I came within six inches of seeing my radio career crash in flames.

Gkeillor: Life is exciting in the Midwest.

Gkeillor: Glad to be with you.

Gkeillor: End of tale.

Gkeillor: Next?

Gkeillor: Is anyone here?

Eam: Sub-title, RADIO SHOW to go in the tank, get it?

Gkeillor: Hello?

Eam: good thing you had the cash.

Gkeillor: It was blackmail, Eam, plain and simple.

Greg: I was pulled over by the cops last night on my way home from work.

Eam: Good to be with you too. I can't say that my life has been as exciting as your's since yesterday.

Gkeillor: Greg---- go on---- we're listening....

Sara: I am locked in a house with four male hunter persons. This is no place for a lone woman to be, let me tell you.

Vonni: My Board Chairman told me yesterday that I'd better not set down around him unless I forward him first. He's afraid I'll give him a heart attack.

Gkeillor: What's your location, Sara? We'll call the Highway Patrol.

Erik_deckers: I've been taking care of our 14 month old daughter while my wife is in Puerto Rico

Paul: I gave up coffee. Painful. Headaches. But my kids like me better.

Bradds: I had to submit an After-Action report to the person who fixed me up on a Mystery Date last Sunday...

Gkeillor: How much was the ticket for, Greg?

Elliott: good afternoon - i spent last night teaching a bunch of nine year olds how to roast a perfect marshmellow and spider dog

Gkeillor: Spider dog?

Paul: I ate some ginko leaves. An herbalist told me if I ate five leaves I would feel better. Bitter things.

Elyn: Yes, thank goodness - but it was uncanny because I had passed a bigger accident a few moments before and I remember trying to figure out where my loved ones might be at that time - never thinking that I would soon approach an accident that one of them

Kate: I spent the afternoon working on a shirt for my husband and spent the evening at a church board meeting that went very well!

Mrdoug: I'm in the North. They had better blankets. :)

Gkeillor: More on the gumbo, Richard. Seafood, I assume? Shrimp? How hot?

Sara: No but I can click the mouse.

Gkeillor: What did this meeting accomplish, Kate? Be specific, please.

Brad: LOL about the gas story. I would've paid, too. We had a good Tues--my wife and I signed a contract to write a children's book, and my daughter (Infantina) got a role in a TV commercial, so she's officially in the show business.

Gkeillor: Are they in the room with you, Sara?

Wilsonna: Sara, *Your* highway patrolmen have glazed faces too? I thought it was just California!

Greg: He didn't give me a ticket - just a warning - this time!

Elliott: a hot dog inserted on a stick horizontally - with both ends sliced - when roasted on a fire they curl up and it looks like a spider

Betsyb: Sounds like I'm the only one that vaccinated 300 calves over the weekend.

Richardschmitz: Shrimp and okra. Pretty hot, both tabasco and cayenne ... served over rice.

Gkeillor: Congratulations on the Infantina. . Shame on you for exploiting your child, but I guess you can use the money.

Gkeillor: Betsyb, you ARE the only one who vaccinated 300 calves. How was it?

Gkeillor: do you shoot them in the butt or the shoulder??

Rossw: It is 3.10am in Normanhurst,NSW, Australia. I have had a much longer Wednesday than most of the chatters (or is it chattees). It has been beautiful weather here. My car had a leaking heater hose that I got fixed in the morning. I also bought a $2 plug for my TV to connect to a sound system. I came home ( I only work every second week) and watched a video on cancer care as part of a university course that I am doing. After my daughter Sarah got home from school I took her to Hornsby ab

Paul: I prepared for my vacectomy

Davej: I watched my daughter's girl scout troop show us proper jacknife usage in preparation for their camping trip. They plan to whittle; I don't know how well they will do with paper knives.

Gkeillor: Paul, how good of you to share.

Gkeillor: Are you sure you want to tell how one prepares for a vasectomy?

Betsyb: In the shoulder. I'd rather stand there.

Sara: No they are off killing things. I have baked some apple pies and some beans and southern barbecue are on the stove cooking. Hopefully they will come back and occupy themselves with food long enough for me to barricade myself upstairs.

Gkeillor: Sara, tell your hunter friends we're about to discuss vasectomies.

Gkeillor: They may wish to sit down. Mprjohn: We're having a chat with Garrison Keillor - on what folks have done in the last day.

Gkeillor: Betsyb, where are you ranching?

Gkeillor: Paul, when you say you are preparing for your vasectomy, I hope that doesn't mean you are performing this yourself.

Paul: It's a terrible thing to think about Garrison

Bradds: Prayerful meditation?

Robert: I want to know how to prepare for a vacectomy, just in case I need one some day!

Paul: No. I don't. Too many tears.

Wilsonna:

Paul: Don't skip the post-op lab test (sperm count). Some guys have 3 tubes. Avoid unexpected consequences. :-) The Nurse

Gkeillor: A vasectomy is the surgical removal of a vase from a human orifice and is best done by a surgeon under general anesthesia.

Spld: Iíve been spray-painting metal washers to use as pieces in a board game for my 12-year-old son. Iíve never tried spray-painting before, though, and Iím not doing a very good job of it. But it seemed like a good idea because my son invented the game

Gkeillor: How the vase got in your ear is not for me to speculate on.

Paul: Thanks for the concern everyone. It involves some shaving and a pill or two before the operation.

Gkeillor: This game is going to earn your family millions, Spld.

Gkeillor: I'd like to know what sort of work Rossw does in Australia that allows him to take every other week off.

Gkeillor: And what is the name of the 1-year-old daughter?

Sara: I live on a farm with virtually hundreds of old washers. Are you planning on a franchise soon?

Texan: I have been shamelessly reveling in the Grand Old Game at its finest-National League baseball!

Gkeillor: I hope you are properly spoiling her.

Library: I spent yesterday morning in a Lutheran church learning about healing and spirituality. No one healed that we know of, but at least the management didn't have us absolve them of responsibility!

Lothar: Despite my best efforts, I have been unable to conivice my parents to take a trip to Asia next month. They want to wait until I can send them for free on my frequent flyer miles.

Gkeillor: Texan, don't speak to us about baseball. We are about to lose our team up here.

Brad: Aggh! Texan! Don't mention baseball! (I'm from GA).

Gkeillor: Lothar, don't you have to be in school next month?

Gkeillor: I have yet to hear anyone say that they've done work since Tuesday ---- have gone to a workplace and been productive and made a contribution.

Rossw: I work 12 hours a day for 7 days then have 7 dyas off as a doctor in an Intensive care Unit in a hospital

Gkeillor: Except Sallyb who is vaccinating calves.

Gkeillor: Okay, Rossw, glad to hear it. I thought that perhaps you made your living with a deck of cards or were holding up gas stations.

Mrdoug: As for work, I also saw six clients as a family therapist, but that's so MUNDANE! :)

Gkeillor: If I'm ever in therapy, Mrdoug, I hope my therapist doesn't think of me as MUNDANE.

Sara: I work at home as a medical transcriptionist. I type up reports on things like ... vasectomies. Or vases in things. Dr.

Rossw: Please speak plainly for your transcriptionists' sake!

Robert: Im here in my office, preparting for Confirmation class for 10 6-8 graders! Topic today: Luther and Commandment #1.

Richardschmitz: Iím at work right now, pretending to be productive. I do democratization projects for Mozambique and Angola. At the same time, Iím in graduate school in political science.

Rossw: Only as sideline

Gkeillor: Did Luther keep Commandment No. 1?

Gkeillor: How does one democratize, Richard?

Wilsonna: I issued a lot of airline and Britrail tickets and made B&B reservations for clients. But I called in sick for my other job. And yes - I am. Mprjohn: We're having a chat with Garrison Keillor about what folks did yesterday.

Gkeillor: We have a doctor here, Wilsonna. What's wrong?

Tom: I was supposed to go running with my wife; she came by to see me about 1100; she was dressed up nice. Instead of running, I went to the Community Blood Bank to donate platelets. I'm O-positive and CMV negative. I guess that means a lot of people want some of my blood...

Betsyb: I'm done vaccinating calves........on to combining the sunflowers.

Gkeillor: How many acres?

Dlandru: Since this time yesterday....I cut up peppers & onions from the garden, played harmonica for 4, 2-4 yr old music critics (trying to convince them that This Old Man is NOT the Barney Song); changed 6-7 diapers, changed 2 outfits belonging to beginning pottiers (new word>) whose aim is developing; cleaned a 17 year old girl's bedroom (shudder); cooked dinner; browsed the net while bouncing Spanish words off of my 13 yr old; settled spousal nerves; slept; woke(etc); fixed breakfast, sorted laundry.

Richardschmitz: We're trying to figure that out. Hopefully, the locals will catch on naturally.

Gkeillor: Dlandru, you're a heroine, I'd give you a badge if I could think of what to put on it.

Wilsonna: Sinusitis. Couldn't see working as an ER nurse when I feel worse than most of the patients.

Betsyb: 550 ac. Hope we get 'em before the wind knocks them down.

Richardschmitz: Wow! Dlandru is the model of efficiency. I rarely get that much done in a week.

Mdmd: Actually Garrison, you have several doctors here. I am an anesthesiologist. Our training program is one year longer than necessary just so we can learn to spell that word !

Gkeillor: I am going to have steak for dinner tonight, Betsyb, and try to help you folks out.

Gkeillor: Dlandru is a model for us all. I mean that. And the word pottier is a fine addition to the language.

Gkeillor: Blanquier tan blanco, Dlandru.

Gkeillor: That's Spanish for whiter than white. From a commercial for Tide Detergente.

Dlandru: Dlandru, meself, is a fellow, not a filly.

Goatboy: So many doctors participating here explains those long waits.

Gkeillor: Call me Hombre Blanco, if you like. YOU'RE WHAT? YOU'RE A GUY???? YOU'RE KIDDING!!!

Mrdoug: MrDoug thinks Dlandru deserves TWO medals now. Hey! I'm northwest of Jamestown! I still don't know anybody like that.

Bradds: The U. should offer a degree in Househusbandry...

Paul: I was a househusband, too. Hard to get past the crying, though

Gkeillor: Carol, did you know this cousin well? had you expected him to share?

Mrdoug: Did I wander into the Alan Alda chat room here? :)

Sara: Hold on here, I have to go stir the beans.

Elyn:

Paul: yours or the childrens?

Gkeillor: Mrdoug, this is Middle America airing its laundry.

Gkeillor: No sarcasm or we'll burst into tears.

Lydia: The 1970's wasn't in the last 24 hours!

Rossw: There was a red tractor parked at the turnoff to Jamestown yesterday but it is not there today

Gkeillor: Huh?

Bradds: What does Husband mean? It is something to do with caring for animals I think...

Gkeillor: Rossw, I thought you were in Australia.

Gkeillor: No, it means to protect, to conserve.

Gkeillor: To marshall resources.

Gkeillor: A sort of wisdom.

Gkeillor: I mispeled marshal

Bradds: We need a HusbandKeepers march maybe...

Dlandru: My wife, well employed, has a disability, I've stayed home caring for our children, & doing the same for others as a home Daycare Provider. 3 are sleeping soundly, 2 are playing with play dough. This is my last summer tho, next fall I go to a cooking college, & try to earn a living doing something else I enjoy. But that's another 24 hours another time.

Rossw: When I used to work in the country, a doctor in the town was given directions on how to find a farm with the advice about the red tractor no longer at the turn-off.

Gkeillor: You made those five children sound like a whole platoon, Dlandru.

Sara: No I think you spelled marshall appropriately for the context.

Brad: Enjoy what you're doing now, Dlandru. Children are some of the best people

Gkeillor: Sara is in northern North Dakota fixing beans for intrepid hunters.

Carol: I hadn't seen this cousin since I was a child and I lived in another state. I didn't realize that she was still living. She only lived about 30 miles from me. She was about 50 years my senior.

Gkeillor: If she left her money to Minnesota Public Radio, I'll see that we give you a job, Carol.

Gkeillor: What are these people hunting, Sara?

Mdmd: I flew an Airbus 320 from LA to Phoenix yesterday - an outstanding plane - even better than an MD-80 !

Sara: Nope I was wrong.

Gkeillor: Mdmd, were there people in it? How did they look afterward?

Gkeillor: Wrong about what?

Paul: I experienced joy during the last 24 hours.

Carol: She left her money to the Public Library, Animal

Gkeillor: A frequent occurrence just before a vasectomy, Paul.

Gkeillor: I've met some Public Library Animals and I wouldn't give them a dime.

Lydia: Yeaterday, my group got ready for the debate.

Sara: Ducks and geese mainly, or whatever flies up in front of their faces. Upland Game, partridge, pheasant, grouse, but mostly ducks and geese. Probably some Old Turkey too.

Gkeillor: A debate on what, Lydia?

Rossw: Having worked in a town of 10,000 people for 15 years until 1996, I see some similarities between rural Australia and rural Minnesota as heard in APHC. Except for the Norwegians. We had people from Lebanon, Ireland, Greece and Italy, and afew from pre-partition India.

Coasterfan: I'm an amusement ride/rolercoaster fanatic, and took my first ride on something called Chaos yesterday.

Gkeillor: You're typing fairlhy well, Coasterfan, for someone who's gotten off a coaster.

Rickl: Hi! I'm a Minnesotan teaching Norwegian as a Second Language in Oslo, Norway. THis week my second graders finally to sing their ABC's after many days of practice.

Lydia: Capital punishment: my side is no.

Brad: Wasn't India originally settled by Norwegians? I read that somewhere.

Gkeillor: Goddag, Rickl! Hvordan har du det?

Gkeillor: That's my side too, Lydia.

Gkeillor: That's Indiana, Brad.

Goatboy: I sat in traffic for a total of three hours yesterday. There's something Minnesota has going for it... no congestion.

Gkeillor: Where, Goatboy? chicago?

Rossw: Chaos souns like the Sydney Harbour Bridge in peak hour.

Wilsonna: I bought a dozen eggs from a farmer who leaves them in an unlocked refrigerator in his barn and expects people to drop the dollar in a jar. It works!

Coasterfan: It was at the State Fair of Texas, in Fair Park. You probably coudn't see it thru the New Year's Eve fog last year, Mr. Keillor.

Carol: She left her money to the Library, Animal Welfare League, Salvation Army, and her church. She should have left some to PHC.

Gkeillor: Nope, we don't need the money of elderly ladies.

Brad: Indiana, right, I always get those confused. Thanks.

Sara: EVERYWHERE was initially settled by norweigans.

Lydia: I just foun out that it's racist...Never thought of it that way.

Gkeillor: Coasterfan, what's your favorite all-time coaster?

Gkeillor: And do you also enjoy air turbulence on planes?

Paul: I attended a board meeting where we help people understand the dangers of drugs.

Rickl: Takk. Det gĆr bra her i Norge! I meant they learned to sing their ABC's.

Sara: I am the only Scots-Irish-Welch person in North Dakota.

Rossw: Wilsonna, that farmer's frodge sounds more efficient than keeping chickens like they do in Australia for eggs.

Gkeillor: I think that of all of us so far, Dlandru and Sallyb have made the greatest contributions to society in the past 24 hours.

Dlandru: I may be wrong, but I think 5 children constitute a squad...not a platoon. And while playing & working with children beats working for a living; parents are often.....difficult; & watching the ones I've had for over a couple of years is difficult. CoDependents can do well in daycare, because children give back more than you give them. In joy or grief. Plant your gardens well folks.

Bradds: India is to the right of Minnesota, that's one way to remember it...

Gkeillor: 300 calves vaccinated, 550 acres of sunflowers about to be harvested, and five children toilet trained.

Gkeillor: The rest of us are just going through the motions.

Gkeillor: Though teaching Norwegian in Oslo is definitely an accomplishmnt for an American.

Brad: I agree with Hombre Blanco. Salud, Dlandru and Sallyb!

Coasterfan: No, I dn't like turbulence, but I love The Texas Giant (wooden) at Six Flags Over Texas, and Magnum XL200 at Cedar Point in Ohio. But I haven't been to Valleyfair yet. Wild Thing may be better.

Paul: Dlandru has my vote.

Davew: contributions to society? I walked my dog (he made a contribution and I cleaned it up)

Gkeillor: Ride the rollercoaster here in January. A thrill, I'll bet.

Wilsonna: Now now, vasectomies and brushes with the law are significant, too!

Gkeillor: Significant of what?

Paul: Thanks Wilsonna. At least someone feels my pain.

Gkeillor: Are you sure you have enough children, Paul?

Gkeillor: What would it hurt to try one more time?

Sara: I didn't know there would be judging! I didn't even bring up my Nobel in the allotted time

Elyn: Having a vasectomy can be considered a socially responsible act, and the guy who got stopped by a cop just saved another donut...

Paul: Yes. I love children. One of the few beauties in life. But I am done.

Paul: Surprise your wife; speak in a falsetto when you get home . . .

Coasterfan: Fact: I rode the Texas Giant one week after having a vasectomy. I walked funny for another week, but it was still worth it.

Gkeillor: Coasterfan, we really need to talk about some personal issues here.

Spld: I had a vasectomy 13 years ago; 5 years ago I had it reversed. Now I have a 3-year-old daughter I never thought Iíd want who makes me smile every day.

Gkeillor: Has anyone mentioned the word masochism to hyou?

Robert: What is this, a V convention?

Paul: Texans walk funny anyway. No one noticed

Gkeillor: I don't know, Robert.

Dlandru: Just teaching children that the big purple dino is singing those songs wrong is a big deal to me. It's a way we an all help.

Booklady: I hope Lydia's not planning to hold her debate on capital punishment here in Texas. She might get lynched herself.

Gkeillor: Can't you turn off the Tv, Dlandru?

Gkeillor: Lydia, where's your debate?

Gkeillor: Stay out of Texas, girl.

Ivan: my tecnician telephoned today that my blood test shows my tosteterone is over 1000 and to see the doctor right away.am i in trouble?signed,age 80.

Gkeillor: Okay, I am ready to go off and do something productive with my afternoon. Don't have a calf to vaccinate or a child to potty train, but perhaps I will write about one for the show on Saturday.

Gkeillor: Ivan, your toast is up, that's what he was trying to tell you.

Gkeillor: Let's get back to work, folks, and get this country back on the road again. Mprjohn: Official chat is almost done. Stick around afterward for follow-up conversation with MPR staff in chat room Room 1.

Wilsonna: I'm off to paint a kitchen ceiling.

Mrdoug: Thanks Garrison. Back to the salt mines!

Bradds: Thanks for making us laugh, Mr. Keillor. Take care...

Gkeillor: Let's democratize and innoculate and fix our beans.

Coasterfan: Thank you so much for the chat.

Sara: Bye y'all

Gkeillor: Be careful, Coasterfan.

Mprjohn: Assisting in today's chat: Mprjan: Janet Ray, moderator;

Mprdouglas: Douglas #320 from

Booklady: I promise to do more today than yesterday.

Gkeillor: Back to work, Janet Ray.

Mprjohn: That's:Assisting in today's chat: Mprjan: Janet Ray, moderator; Mprdouglas: Douglas Fisher, help room host; Mprjohn: John Pearson, auditorium host; Phcrob: Rob Knowles, chat rooms host.

Gkeillor: Break it up, folks. Break it up. Keep moving.

Mprjohn: Thanks also to Ron Nelson, System Administrator, and other on the staff of

Mprjohn: Minnesota Public Radio and A Prairie Home Companion.

Gkeillor: Ron Nelson, go back to work.

Mprjohn: We'll post a transcript of the chat soon.

Mprjohn: Our next chat is next Wednesday, October 22, noon - 1 pm CT

Return to Lunchtime Chat Index.

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