Dear Mr. Keillor,
I am always surprised and heartbroken that so many established writers
seem to have it in for Jack Kerouac. He might not have been the most disciplined
writer, but he was sincere. His work is characterized by a curiosity,
a sense of adventure, and of hope despite adversities, all of which make
for a good story or two. Why is his work such a target of scorn?
Yours,
Michael B.
Sir:
Kerouac certainly has come in for his share of critical ribbing but do
people "have it in for" him? I don't think so. He promoted himself as
an Outsider and thrived and took pleasure in being a famous rebel. He
sold very well and had a large loyal following, which continues to this
day: he gains new readers steadily --- in Denmark, for example, when I
lived there, he was a favorite of young Danes. If his work is scorned
by anyone, it's because they don't care for his writing, which does tend
to sprawl. Please don't be heartbroken. Kerouac's own heartbreak had nothing
to do with his critical reception and everything to do with alcoholism
and his French-Canadian Catholic soul.
Dear Mr. Keillor:
If the Bible says that a cheerful heart is good medicine, why are so many
Christians so serious about life? I have been a Christian for 15 years
and have had a jolly time of it. Two years ago I started working for a
church and have been amazed at how grumpy people in the church can get
about things. Our pastor invited a Christian comedian to come speak at
our annual banquet and has asked me to make the topic of our next monthly
newsletter "humor," so I'm asking for your opinion: How do you keep your
sense of humor through the ups and downs of everyday life?
Tami Frese
Lincoln, NE
Dear
Miss Frese,
Christians aren't immune to the blues, or the heeby-jeebies or the jim-jams,
or just plain owliness. But you can keep your sense of humor, keeping
in mind the comedy of the gospels, the idea of the last being first, the
parable of the vineyard in which everyone got paid the same, the story
of the Prodigal Son, the rich man in hell looking up at Lazarus in heaven
--- it goes on and on. Clearly, Christ gives his followers a satiric sense
of the world, of its transitory values, that should make a Christian feel
buoyant and cheerful. On the other hand, most of what's been written on
the topic of Christian Humor is pretty earnest and dreadful stuff. And
of course we old Sanctified Brethren are a special case entirely: we feel
pretty gloomy most of the time and we have our reasons.
Dear Mr. Keillor,
I have a beautiful 20 year old daughter that is in love with Richard Dworsky.
On the ride home after every Prairie Home Companion we attend, I hear
over and over again, "Why does he just sing the ketchup song? He could
be BIG-Big- Big like Korn and Limp Biskit-like Ricky Martin! Why, Why
does he just sing the ketchup song? Why? What can I tell her.
Annie's mom
Dear
Annie and mom,
Too much talent is Rich's problem. And he knows too much. He's got the
whole musical waterfront covered, from Haydn to hoedown, Schubert to Shoe
Band, and maybe it's an advantage to have a small talent, to be able to
play four chords and think it's everything. As for singing, Rich seems
to prefer playing the piano, and composing those lovely solo pieces that
you often hear after the News from L.W., which have a singing quality.
We should put out a CD.
Hi!
I am looking for advice - advice of the heart, specifically - and it involves
Minneapolis, moving, and Minnesotans in general. Currently, I live in
Miami and work in the Everglades as a biologist. In July, I made the mistake
of falling in love with a Minneapolis native working here for one of your
large construction companies. My question to you is in equal parts of
three:
a. Do all Minnesotans, with relentless cheerfulness, constantly expect
the worst?
b. Does moving for love ever work?
c. Do cold winters REALLY improve character?
thanks - lisa b.
Dear
Lisa,
(a) You'll find all sorts here, including some dour people like me who
do indeed give themselves pleasure by imagining dire things and then enjoying
that they don't always come true. It's a Scandinavian trait, perhaps.
The old saying, "It could be worse," which you might utter if someone
praised your daughter's intelligence, or if your house burned down, or
if you won the Nobel prize.
(b) Yes. Often. Love itself is a leap, of course, and compared to the
rigors of living with another person, a move from Miami to Minneapolis
is fairly uncomplicated.
(c) A good winter storm, with lots of snow and cold and hazardous driving,
does seem to make everyone cheerful here. People go out of their way for
each other, are kinder to strangers, and jollier in general. And biology
does not stop when its cold. Au contraire. You're going to love it here.
I was wondering if you had any insight into the affects that Norwegian
Lutheran heritage has on first-year college students? Thanks!
Stephanie Miller,
Westerville, OH
Dear
Stephanie,
I imagine it inspires them to fear failure and disgrace and to work tremendously
hard but not so hard that they run the risk of being Phi Beta Kappa. A
nice B+ average would be perfect. And I imagine that they do what they
can to conceal their Norwegian Lutheraness and to appear vaguely French
or Italian.
Does anyone in Lake Wobegon have a satellite dish? Or will the cable
TV in St. Cloud reach out there some day?
Rich Evans
Des Moines IA
Dear
Mr. Evans,
There are many satellite dishes in and around Lake Wobegon, but people
do try to have excuses for erecting them ---- "The reception was so poor
for Masterpiece Theater," "It's for my mother, she isn't able to get outside
the way she used to," "I wanted the kids to be able to get the Discovery
channel" --- because television is still looked down on here, and for
good reason.
GK,
I am interested in the technical aspects of A Prairie Home Companion.
I am a professional audio engineer, systems designer,etc. Is there any
documentary type information about the details of how the audio is done
and who is behind it?
Chuck Watson
Mr.
Watson,
The man behind it is Scott Rivard and he wrote an article for A Prairie
Home Commonplace Book, an anthology of show stuff put out for our
25th anniversary. You can get a basic grasp from it of what he's up against,
and if you need more information, e-mail him at phc@mpr.org or come see
a show.
Garrison,
You have told us a bit about the tomato rivalries that have gone on in
Lake Wobegon. I have been wondering if there are any pie crust rivalries.
Francine Larouche
Bellevue, WA
Dear
Francine,
Any pie crust competition was settled long ago, and the winner was my
mother. Anyone who ever tasted one of her apple or peach or pumpkin or
pecan pies knows that she made pie crust that was head and shoulders above
the others. That's why I never order pie in a restaurant. It would only
disappoint me. Hers was the Aristotle Contemplating the Bust of Homer
of pie crusts. Sorry you didn't get a piece.
Dear Mr. Keillor,
Since you have a young daughter, are you planning on writing any more
children's books in the near future? I'm also wondering if you could be
convinced to come and read to a well-behaved group of public school children
(4th graders).
Sincerely,
Jennifer Christiansen
Dear
Miss Christiansen,
The last time I read to fourth graders they were writhing like worms and
jabbering and poking each other and tittering and lobbing spitballs at
each other. I read to them for half an hour and then sat in my car and
burst into tears. My self-esteem was shattered. Performing on our radio
show is a cinch compared to teaching fourth grade, but then perhaps you
knew that. As for writing a children's book, I am waiting to see what
my little girl would like to read about. My guess is that she'd like a
book about food.
Hi -
My name is Caolan Head. I am 10 years old and am doing a report on Leif
Ericson. After reading a couple of books and articles written about him,
I still have one question. What are his best qualities and why? If you
could be of assistance and give me your opinion or those that have followed
his journey, I would appreciate it. Thank you.
Caolan Head
Dear
Caolan,
Leif Ericsson was following in the wake of a Norwegian trader named Bjarni
Herjulfsson who headed for Greenland in 986 to visit his dad who had gone
there with Erik the Red. Bjarni was blown off-course and sailed along
the coast of New England and Newfoundland, and went back to Iceland and
told all about it. The Vikings were classy guys who travelled to exotic
places, left a few runestones lying around, and then came back home and
wrote poems about it. They were not out to conquer the world and exploit
its riches, like Columbus and all those spice merchants. Columbus was
the creature of his own p.r. He was not Norwegian at all, did not believe
in hiding his light under a bushel. Leif Eriksson, the son of Erik the
Red, got directions from Bjarni, and he sailed and found Newfoundland
and Nova Scotia and may have come ashore in Maine and picked grapes and
huckleberries. Like his fellow Vikings, he was something of a free spirit,
an explorer, not a huckster or con man, so he didn't hang around and massacre
the Indians, just took notes, went home and told about it. The Vikings
were great and good men, poets, men of culture, not bandits, and for that
reason, they get very little credit today for their bravery and vision.
Dear Mr. Keillor,
I have been an avid listener for many years, but I have only recently
seen a photo of you. It's odd how you can develop a mental image of what
a person looks like just from hearing his or her voice over a period of
time, and I was surprised to note that you have what appears to be a full
head of hair, since you sound quite bald over the radio. I'm guessing
that Leo Kottke is 5' 4" tall, weighs approximately 300 lbs, am I close?
Daniel A. Harris
Clayton, NC
Dear
Mr. Harris,
Leo is the one with the full head of hair. I am bald and weigh 300 pounds
and am 5'4" but I wear elevator shoes and am trying to shed some pounds.
Dear Garrison,
Writing to you as an Obstetrician - Gynecologist in the Philadelphia area,
I was wondering if there are any small town doctors practicing in Lake
Wobegone. Is there a "country doc" who has hung out his or her shingle
in town? Or have HMOs driven them out of existence? Just curious.
Alex Anthopoulos
Newtown Square, PA
Dear
Alex,
We have a doctor, old Doctor Bill DeHaven, but he is not very good. He
is an old country doctor of the "Let's wait and see what develops" variety.
A hand-holding doctor. This seems to have kept church attendance higher
than in places where there is excellent medical care and people have illusions
of immortality.
GK,
What are us Texans to do about Rhubarb pie. Rhubarb just don't grow in
these parts.
Dear
Texans,
We have plenty if you want to come up here and if you do you may find
other things we have that you don't. Lakes, for example. Thousands of
them everywhere. Our nickname is "The Land of Ten Thousand Lakes." In
fact, we have many many more than ten thousand, but we are an understated
people here.
Dear Garrison;
While recently perusing a collection of vintage postcards in our local
antique shop I stumbled across a rather colorful one from Lake Wobegone.
The town certainly looked Lutheran enough; however, in middle of the main
street there were 25-30 men wearing various bird costumes. It appeared
to be spring and the plumage was excessive; the card had no message and
no explanation of the event. Can you shed some light on this?
Many Thanks,
Dr. Ralph Trimsworthy
Dear
Ralph,
Men in bird costumes are not from Lake Wobegon. This was a convention
of the Ancient and Mystic Order of the Coot who rented the Sons of Knute
lodge and had their pictures taken on Main Street. It is a public place
and the Constitution protects people in plumage. But you shouldn't take
this picture as indicative of us.
Dear Garrison,
I am currently reading Tom Wolfe's "A Man In Full". If you believe him,
the wealthy may be the unhappiest people in the world. Assuming that your
enormous talent and above average fame have made you wealthy, I wonder
if you could address the age old question: Can money buy happiness? What
advantages and disadvantages has money brought to your life? Your thoughts
please.
David G.
Seattle
Dear
David,
Money can't buy happiness, of course, it only buys a measure of freedom.
A person who is comfortable financially tends to think less about money
than one who is living on the edge. At least that's my experience. And
you get to be generous, which is a pleasure. You can send your old mother
to Glasgow and put her up in a classy hotel and if she was a sales clerk
in her younger years and scrimped and saved and put up a hundred jars
of canned tomatoes every year, there is real pleasure in doing this. Of
course affluence has its price, too: a certain moral numbness, perhaps,
and a tendency to be boring. Rich people tend to be rather shallow and
tedious, perhaps because their wealth shelters them from having to deal
with a lot of those aggravating little things that make for good stories
afterward. Anyway, I am pretty sure that affluence is not to be pitied.
I say, Tax the pants off them and let them go off to Antigua and feel
sorry for themselves.
Dear Mr. Keillor,
I'd be interested to hear your opinion of the work of a man who you would
seem to have several things in common with. Charles Schulz is also a native
Minnesotan, often deals in rather melancholy humor in a serial format,
and his Christian beliefs occasionally surface in his writing. I think
his body of work is impressive and important, and I thought you might
be someone who agrees, although that's just a guess, of course.
Rich Burdge
Dear
Mr. Burdge,
Charles Schultz is an artist I admire and not only because he's from here.
He was an original and had a marvelous long run. He never had a big boom,
nor a slump, but hit his stride quite early and maintained it for almost
fifty years. His longevity is due to his own strength of character but
also to the genius of his creation, which burst onto the page more or
less fully formed back in the Fifties when I started reading him avidly
in the Minneapolis Star and Tribune. I used to read him lying belly-down
on the floor and now I read him standing up, but Charlie Brown, Lucy,
Snoopy, Schroeder, Linus, are much the same folks today as they were then.
It's a marvelous world of trauma and passion and fantasy that transcends
age and geography, though we Minnesotans know that Schultz is one of ours.
It probably breaks his heart to stop now, but he created a classic and
it will go on and on.
Dear Garrison,
At lunch my friends and I were wondering why Bette Midler has never been
on PHC. Could it be that you're trying to keep her away from Guy Noir?
It would be so unfortunate if they married and her name became Bette Noir.
Edie DeWeese
Boulder, Colorado
Dear
Edie,
Groan. If she did become Bette Noir, we'd just add her to our roster of
writers, Sara Bellum and Page Turner and Warren Peace, and see how she
does there. But if she writes about the beer that made Mel Famie walk
us, or the cat that chewed the new shoes, then she's out of here.
Dear Mr. Keillor,
In a favorite movie of mine they asked the question, "What was your perfect
day?" I just had to tell you that the PHC was part of my most perfect
day. Way back in college Sept. 1991 in Sacramento CA I took off on an
adventure to find Mark Twains cabin on JackAss Hill. While getting lost
I listened to your show. For whatever reason, your news from Lake Wobegon
spoke to me on that day like it never had before. I actually lost the
radio signal at one point and drove backwards in order to get it back.
I did end up finding his cabin by the way. Me and a hippy couple were
up there paying homage. Anyway, just thought I would let you know you're
much appreciated and ask if you too had a perfect day to share?
Michelle Walker
Portland OR
Dear
Michelle,
I am older than you and so have given up on the idea of perfection. I
have had a lot of near-perfect days marred by some gruesome mistake or
unseemly utterance, almost always of my own doing. My semi-perfect days
are never days of leisure, like your idyllic drive to Mark Twain's cabin,
because I'm a puritan and we don't enjoy leisure that much. We pretend
to for the sake of the others but we're glad when the vacation is over
and we can go back to work. I guess my good days are days that start in
the dark, waking up fully alert at 5 a.m. and going to work writing in
a small room and being productive and maybe even writing something that
makes me laugh outloud (no small feat), and then winding up the day and
spending the rest of it with my wife. That's the best. A day on the beach
is, to me, a day in purgatory.
Dear Garrison:
I can't imagine anyone more likely than you to have an answer to my question.
WAY back when I was a child, I seem to recall the phrase 'Heavens to Murgatroid!'.
Is this merely a symptom of my poorly firing brain connections? Or is
Murgatroid a person, place or thing? Or is it one of the silly words I
made up when telling my sons stories when they were little? I've not been
able to find the word in my dictionary.
Cindy
Dear
Cindy,
It's a nonsense word, I believe, though there is a cartoon character named
Murgatroyd, but I am pretty sure that he comes from the nonsense word
and not vice-versa. In our home we said, "Heavens to Betsy," but I guess
you folks were more inventive. But why would you think I know the answer
to this question? That's what troubles me. I grew up among Sanctified
Brethren and we didn't go in for nonsense at all. It was seriously discouraged.
Dear Garrison,
I have a lap cat, and therefore, have difficulty working with a lap top
computer. Does Bertha's Kitty Boutique have lap top computers designed
for cat lovers or visa versa?
Wendy
Dear
Wendy,
It's a double-decker laptop, with the lower level for the cat,
and it not only accommodates your cat, it also eliminates carpal
tunnel syndrome, back pain, and remorse.
Dear Mr. Keillor,
On dates I have been telling Lake Wobegon stories and all of my jokes
come from PHC's Joke Show. But I have recently met a wonderful woman over
the Internet and found out she is also a frequent listener to the show.
We are meeting next week and I have no stories or jokes to tell her that
she has not already heard. Now what do I do?
Matthew Memmer
Dear
Matthew,
If you're contemplating a future with this wonderful woman, then you ought
to get her accustomed to hearing old jokes. There is nothing wrong with
them, especially when you get to my age and enjoy the benefits of memory
loss. They're just as funny as they ever were.
Garrison,
I have just been notified of your wonderful show at Prairie Home Companion,
and with your knowledge and wealth of information could you give information
on the "Lutefisk Triangle" and specifically Eldred, MN? They sound so
intriguing. I understand that Eldred is almost like Brigadoon.
Best wishes,
Eldred from PA
Dear Eldred,
Your namesake town is north of Moorhead, Minnesota, on the road
to Crookston, not far from Climax, on a flat fertile plain along
the Red River, settled by Norwegians in the 1870s. Lutefisk, of
course, is the famous gelatinous fish concoction beloved of Scandinavians
and loathesome to everyone else. I thought the Lutefisk Triangle
was south of there, but I may be wrong. In any case, it's the
place in Minnesota where people have gone to attend lutefisk dinners
and then have disappeared forever. Naturally, we don't know much
more than that about it.
