Garrison,
It has always troubled me that Lake Wobegon is
"on the edge of the prairie." The edge of the prairie
and what? Because if it isn't right next to something else, then
wouldn't Lake Wobegon actually be in the middle of the prairie?
David Honea
Raleigh, NC
David, the prairie as we know it
is a formidable landscape, rather grand and austere, rather flat,
a grassy plain, not so hospitable to our kind, not like the hardwood
forests of eastern Minnesota and Wisconsin, which seem quite lovely
and accommodating to us of northern European stock. There is a
broad transitional band between the forest and the prairie, rolling
farmland, somewhat wooded, and that's what we refer to as the
"edge of the prairie". In the trees, looking out at
the endless meadow.
Mr. Keillor:
I have listened for many, many years. As an avid NON-smoker,
I have always been turned off and taken aback by references to
smoking in the Guy Noir and other sketches. It's not really necessary,
and the literary and story-telling quality would not suffer if
you did not do that. I am hoping you will remove all references
to smoking from your show's contents.
Best...
Ken
Ken, those references are few and far
between, let me tell you. But cigarettes are part and parcel of
the film noir vocabulary and the hard-boiled detective novel,
and always will be. Cigarettes are a renegade item, they fly in
the face of good sense, and that's what makes them attractive
to certain characters. Guy Noir doesn't smoke. Neither do I. But
some people do. I didn't create the world, I only describe it.
Garrison:
I'm 25 yrs. old and absolutely love your show! To me it is part
of a bygone era where people would sit around the radio and listen
to a radio show for entertainment. I have a question for you.
Should Missouri be considered a part of the Midwest or is it a
southern state? I've lived here my whole life and think we are
the heart of the Midwest, no offense to Minnesota.
Natasha Kasten
Natasha, I hereby declare you to
be a Midwesterner, for your love of sitting around and listening
to the radio. You're right, it's a bygone artifact from a bygone
era, but then so is kissing, so is dancing the polka, so is hiking,
and making a cake, and writing a sonnet, and climbing a tree,
and fixing an automobile engine, and reading a story to a child.
Who has time to do those things anymore? Well, we don't have time
until, voila, suddenly we do, and we do the bygone thing and find
out how delightful it is. And then we go along for awhile not
doing it and asking ourselves why we never do that anymore, and
then one day we do. We're so lucky to have a high-spirited 25-year-old
Missourian listening to the show, and I will try to make next
week's funnier for you and stick a Missourian in it, or a woman
named Natasha.
Hi Garrison,
For the past couple seasons your Guy Noir skits and Monologues
have, let's say, gotten bluer in tone. I have four children to
protect from worldly ways and early introduction to adult topics.
Could you spend a little more time remembering your Baptist roots?
It's a family show, right?
Don Mosier
Westminster, CA
Don, my roots are in the Sanctified Brethren,
not the Baptists, but never mind. My roots are also in comedy,
going back to childhood, and jokes about men and women are a staple
of comedy. PHC does not do "blue" material as I understand
the term. If Guy Noir's fascination with beautiful women is blue,
then we are a blue race. I suggest that you simply turn the radio
off. We produce the show as we do, freely, inventively, for the
fun of it, secure in the knowledge that the listeners are responsible
for themselves and their children and nobody is ever forced to
listen to the show. If it's blue, or it's boring, or it's unpatriotic,
well, it needn't trouble you for any longer than it takes to reach
over and turn the thing off. Silence is a beautiful thing, Don.
I have a reverence for silence. In my own life, I choose silence
over almost everything produced by American broadcasting. A whole
vast industry slaves day and night to turn out programs that I
never see and don't feel my life is poorer without. I sincerely
recommend this to you. I love the show and love doing it, but
that doesn't mean I think you should listen to it. Turn it off
and take your lovely children for a long walk and show them this
beautiful world and tell them your own stories. You'll be better
for it.
Dear Mr. Keillor,
I am the father of a young son and this past Monday we found
out that we are finally going to have a little girl at last! (Thank
God, as I am getting tired of trying!) What advice can you give
a fellow Scandinavian on the challenges that lie ahead?
Shawn
Columbus, Ohio
Congratulations to you and to Mrs. Shawn
for creating this fine symmetry in your family. Now you have the
lovely responsibility of enjoying it and taking delight in all
the gorgeous problems you've created for yourselves. You must
return to the dark tunnel of sleep deprivation and learn to manage
your fears (why is her breathing raspy? Should I call the hospital?)
and be calm and positive and cheerful. Good cheer is important,
especially on short sleep. You simply can't let darkness get the
upper hand. Your wife will have all sorts of emotional ups and
downs because it was her body, after all, so your challenge is
steadiness and helpfulness. And of course naming the little tot.
A crucial responsibility. Go down your list of aunts and great-aunts
and see if there isn't one whose name speaks to you, an Ingrid
or Signe or Aase or Tilda or Kristina.
Dear Garrison,
I am supposed to sing a solo in church this Sunday, and I'm terrified!
I have a good voice, but I'm always afraid to use it. I hate this,
but I'm not sure how to get over it. How do you perform so often
and so well in front of so many people? Is it courage, practice,
or a combination of the two?
Emily B.
Kingwood, TX
Emily, the secret is poor eyesight. An
audience is terrifying, especially if you know them personally.
But you take off your glasses and that wall of ogres and gargoyles
turns into a meadow of multi-colored flowers: this is the benefit
of myopia. You're standing alone in front of a field of vegetation
that rustles slightly in the wind. You smile, in a vague hopeful
way, and you sing your song, concentrating on the words, and at
the end you sit down. You do this over and over and it gets easier,
of course. But you always remember to take off your glasses.
Garrison-
If you could go back in time and live the days of your youth
over again, what things would you do differently? Do you have
any regrets regarding anything you did or didn't do?
David
Osage Beach, Mo.
David, I have a host of regrets. Do you
want to hear about them? Do you have a few hours? Most of them
are about what I didn't do. I was fearful and shy and horribly
self-conscious and my life was ruled by these things for so long.
A common story, I'm sure, but I regret not traveling in my youth,
not scuffling around Europe on a short budget and learning to
make do in foreign cities, not living more adventurously. I went
straight from my teens into my forties, and many years later I
tried to go back and do my twenties, which is confusing if you're
43 at the time. Youth is the time to be free, to travel, to see
the world, to meet a lot of people. That's why I am horrified
to see young people under the burden of debt as a result of getting
an education. It's an absolute horror. Young people of academic
ability should sail through college and come out the other end,
free as can be. I'm all for young people having to work hard,
but I've met so many who are deeply in hock and who even maxed
out their credit cards to pay for college. The thought of a 21-year-old
paying 18% interest on his or her lunch money is just obscene.
There's no other word for it. It hurts me to think about it.
Dear Garrison,
I turn 21 in about a week and I seem to be in the process of
falling in love. Is there anything in particular I should or shouldn't
be doing with regards to any of this? Any thoughts? Or should
I just go with it?
-Nat. from Iowa
Nat, If you ask me, and you did, I think
21 is too young to fall (too hard) in love. Stay loose, have fun,
keep an open mind, and don't cling to the first kind person you
meet. (See letter above.) Be free. You learn more that way.
Mr. Keillor,
I once heard someone say that great teaching, great storytelling,
and great lovemaking all use the same technique--gently arouse
interest, and then feed the interest until the "audience"
is begging for the payoff. What's your take on this?
Julie
I'm listening, Julie. Tell me more.
Dear Garrison,
I'm 13 years old and live down in southeast Texas. I discovered
your show one night while flipping through channels on the radio
and was immediately intrigued with the dry humor of this show.
I enjoy every second of it and listen to it every night. I hope
to someday get the rest of the family and a few of my friends
hooked on it like I am.
From the South,
Krystal
Krystal, this is every radio guy's
dream, of course, to have a 13-year-old discover you out of the
blue, because that's what we did when we were 13; we flipped around
on the radio, looking for somebody who'd just talk to us. Radio
is so much about commotion and yaddayaddayadda and squeezing in
the commercials, and when you hear somebody talk to you, it's
a rare thing and a big deal. I suppose that's what led us to talk
radio. I don't know why talk radio is so full of angry, middle-aged
right-wing males, but I guess they're talking to somebody. Meanwhile,
don't worry about trying to sell the show to your family and friends.
We don't need a bigger audience, Krystal, just the good one we
have, including you.
Dear Garrison,
I've never seen your show but I have a strong mental image in
my mind. I imagine you regularly wear a black cowboy hat and one
of those small microphones, wrapped around your ear that extends
to your mouth... maybe a goatee... a black and white harlequin
pattern, overly starched shirt. All this along with black trousers
and pointy boots. I also imagine you are attached to some stage
wires that lift you up over the audience to great effect. Am I
close?
Steven Matz
Chicago IL
Steven, everything Garth Brooks did he
learned from me and I'm okay with the fact that he never credited
me with it. Your picture is accurate except for the black hat.
I don't wear a hat. Or the boots. I wear black shoes. Otherwise,
you're right on. Except for the headset mike. I speak into a megaphone
microphone and that precludes the flying over the audience. But
I do wear black trousers. Tuxedo trousers, along with a tuxedo
jacket. No goatee, though.
Garrison,
In the early days of PHC (mid-seventies) you used to feature
Swedish fiddle tunes quite often. I can still remember how sweet
and beautiful that music was. It seems to have been dropped from
the variety of music that you feature on the show. Is there any
chance of getting it back into the "rotation?"
Paul Von Drasek
New York, NY
Paul, you're recalling a fine fiddle trio
of Edwin Johnson and his son Bruce and grandson Paul Dahlin, and
they really were sweet and beautiful. I believe that Paul is still
fiddling and we'll try to find him and bring him back on the show.
He was on the show a couple years ago with a bunch of fiddlers
from Sweden. And we had another bunch on the show around Midsummer
Day in Seattle a few years ago. But I'm glad to have it back.
Garrison:
It is so dishonest, unethical, and egotistical for entertainment
celebs to sound off about their personal politics. They are celebs
because the public made them so, and the public is made up of
many different political stripes. For celebs then to use that
gift of fame to force their own little leftist preferences in
the faces of that same "mixed stripe" public is contemptible.
You have the gall to question Coleman's "interesting"
family life [in your Salon.com article]? Where was your voice
when Clinton was diddling with the intern???
Ben Fields
Ben, I'm not an "entertainment celeb,"
I'm a writer. I may have drifted into entertainment (assuming
you're entertained by PHC), but in fact I'm a writer, a satirist,
and writers have always dealt with politics. How would one remove
it from one's point of view? Maybe you think of Mark Twain as
the creator of Tom Sawyer, but he was also the author of some
pretty scathing stuff about race and politics in his time. Nobody
is "forcing" anything on anybody by expressing opinions
---- to say so is to suggest that the public is somehow frail
or mentally incompetent. Indeed, one spends a good deal of personal
capital by opposing a popular president. You should consider the
possibility that simple patriotism might be a motive here. As
for President Clinton, I agree with Republicans that the personal
character of a candidate or official is a legitimate matter of
interest, and so I raised questions about our new senator who
is, in my humble opinion, a fraud. But the idea that a writer
should quash his own thoughts and feelings for fear of offending
somebody ---- how contemptible, sir. Have I harmed you by expressing
them? No, I've filled you with righteous anger and you've responded
vigorously and heartily and you're better for it.
Dear Mr. Keillor,
I just broke up with a young man from Minnesota, a remarkably
civil break-up, but now I think back on the bad omens I ignored
early in our romance, his bold assertion that he had a principled
position against voting and his outright derision towards A Prairie
Home Companion. Should I have paid more attention?
Caitlin
Caitlin, All young men from Minnesota
are obligated to sneer at PHC. It's how they declare their independence.
That's why I gave up the cowboy hat and the boots and the long
hair and beard, and started wearing a tuxedo onstage, to make
it easier for them. It's the obligation of every 60-year-old guy
to invite the scorn and contempt of the young. But your ex's "principled
position" against voting is a bucket of horse hockey. That's
why 60-year-olds get such a sweet deal in this country and young
people have been so royally fleeced by the system.
Dear Sir,
I would like to ask you a question. How many hours do you spend
in an average week preparing for the show?
Linda
Rolfe, Iowa.
Linda, I spend more and more time
now that I'm getting old and my synapses are snapping shut and
I sometimes need to spend fifteen minutes trying to think of the
word "synapses". And that other word. You know the one.
Anyway, I'm feeling fonder of the show in my old age, and of the
actors and all. Such a lovely place for a writer to be in. So
I work harder at it, so as to give God one less reason to jerk
the rug out.
