Mr. Keillor,
This past Saturday evening I had to miss your show because
an attractive young lady invited me out to dinner. I was able
to catch the re-broadcast Sunday afternoon, but while listening
I missed Kevin Milwood pitching a no-hitter for the Philadelphia
Phillies. This leads me to my question. Is there a way a man
can fully enjoy the pleasures of sex, good entertainment,
and baseball? It always seems as though I have to pick and
choose.
Ed Philadelphia,
PA
Ed, don’t feel bad about missing the
show. Most of our listeners don’t listen to the show anymore
because they’re happily occupied elsewhere, sex or baseball
or raising kids or running around. I don’t feel bad about
them missing it: I don’t get to hear the show because I’m
working at the time. But God hears it and that should be good
enough for anybody, and I wish you well on your choices.
Mr. Keillor,
My question was brought to mind by a hockey playoff game I
am watching. How do Wobegonians feel about having the Minnesota
Wild around? Are they hockey fans at all? Are you?
Julie
Arlington, VA
Julie, I’m a University of Minnesota
hockey fan because my interest in hockey diminishes with the
arrival of spring. This is due to growing up in olden times
when hockey was played outdoors. You laced up your skates
in a warming house and ventured out with stick in hand and
you scuffled around on rough ice for a few hours until you
had no feeling in your toes and then you thawed out, an exquisite
pain, and went back and repeated the experience. When March
arrived, it was all over and you turned your mind to other
things. My mind still turns to other things when the weather
warms up, and even though the Wild is huge and on the front
page of the paper, my mind doesn’t follow.
Dear Mr. Keillor,
Do you ever plan to teach at a university someday? I would
absolutely love to take a writing class of yours, or any class
of yours for that matter, even if I could only do it online.
If I cannot do it online, I will pack my bags immediately
and move from Florida to Minnesota (in that case...please
make it a summer class). Sincerely,
Laure Goss
Port St. Lucie, FL
Laure, I taught a couple writing courses
at the University of Minnesota and found it exhilarating and
exhausting, and would love to do it again, but there isn’t
time to do it. There just isn’t time. I used to have whole
long stretches of time and they vanished and I don’t think
they’re going to come back.
Dear Garrison:
What is the difference between a vacation and a hiatus? Since
your show incorporates both, I'd appreciate a detailed explanation
from an English major. Sincerely,
Mert
Mert, I’m not an authority on the
subject but I’d say a hiatus is a fancy word for a break in
schedule when you want to suggest some possibility that you
may not return. Probably you will, but you’d like people to
imagine that you might not, so as to encourage them to beg
you to, or to at least ask if you’re returning. A vacation
is a small scheduled break with a definite return date.
Garrison,
Could you or someone at the Ketchup Advisory Board please
answer this question and put the debate between my wife and
me to rest -- Should ketchup be kept in the fridge? -Seth
Once the bottle is opened, yes, definitely.
Dear
Mr. Keillor,
If you could draw up a list of books that all high school
students should read, what would be on that list?
Ian Taylor
Bemidji, MN
Ian, I wouldn’t want to burden a young
person with one more list of things to do. They have enough
lists. It’s a good age at which to get into the habit of reading,
though ---- the habit of keeping two or three books going
at once, and burrowing into one for hours at a time, rather
than using TV to burn up your spare hours. When you’re 18,
your mind is terribly agile and keen and up to vast challenges,
and it seems criminal to drug it, like locking up a young
horse in a small stable. At 18, a person should be learning
a new language and discovering the philosophers and plunging
into the classics. You lose that agility all too soon and
life starts to get smaller and more regulated.
Dear Mr. Keillor,
I am a fourteen-year old girl who is having a crisis. I am
torn between childhood and teenage years and don’t know what
music to listen to. Should I listen to hard rock and death
metal, or should I follow my old sweet tastes and listen to
classical and not get in trouble?
Cecile
Du Bois, CA
Cecile, In your private moments, classical
music gives you the freedom of your own mind. You listen to
the Bach cello suites or the Chopin impromptus or those Handel
organ concerti and it stimulates your mind to think its own
thoughts. Bach is a form of meditation. When you’re with your
pals, of course, you want to be listening to death music,
in order to kill conversation, but in your private moments,
classical music is kinder to your soul. It has nothing to
do with not getting into trouble. It has to do with freedom
of imagination.
Garrison,
I would like to be a good joke teller, but the simple fact
is that I'm not. I tried a couple Ole and Lena jokes I heard
on your show at my brother's wedding, and... well, let's just
say the response was, "cricket... cricket". What got them
laughing was when I condemned myself as a horrid joke teller,
and apologized profusely. How do I get good, or is it just
something you're born with?
Jon Lewis
Chandler, AZ
You get good at telling jokes by telling
jokes. It’s like anything else. You messed up because you
got nervous, and that’s to be expected. Try again and you’ll
be successful and success breeds confidence.
Dear Sir,
I am a Navy Hospital Corpsman stationed in a remote area in
the middle East where I have access to a computer that makes
it possible to listen to your show, which I haven't been able
to listen to since November. I am so happy to hear all of
you that I could cry!!! Just want to thank all of you for
making my day. Sincerely,
Karen M. Reyes
HM1-USNR
Inshore Boat Unit 22
Hi Karen, glad to know you’re at the
other end. All is well back here, it’s spring, and the lilacs
are about to bloom, and the good people of Lake Wobegon are
about to plunge into gardening. All sorts of people are mad
at me, it seems, and write often to tell me about it, and
I’m glad you’re not. That’s all. Hope the Navy appreciates
you, too.
