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Sunbrite Drive-Through Counseling GK:....brought to you by your local SunBrite Drive-Through Counseling. (HEAVY TRAFFIC NEARBY) SS (SPEAKER): Yes? TR: I'm obsessive compulsive, I'm depressed, and I'm completely neurotic. SS (SPEAKER): Okay. You want plain counselling or do you want drugs with that? TR: Plain. SS (SPEAKER THROUGHOUT): Do you want the $1.79, the $2.59, or the $3.89? TR: Uh. Actually I just wanted to ask something. SS: Yeah? TR: Do you like me? SS: Do I what? TR: Do you like me? SS: How would I know? I just met you. TR: What was your first impression when I drove in? SS: Drive up where I can see you and I'll tell you. TR: Okay. (CAR MOVES AHEAD, STOPS) (PAUSE) SS: Nervous. TR: Okay. SS: Emotionally needy. TR: Okay. SS: You also need to do something different with your hair. TR: Okay. Thanks. SS: I wouldn't comb it straight back and up like that. I think that's pretty much over. TR: Okay. SS: Do you want the $1.79, the $2.59, or the $3.89? TR: Dollar seventy-nine. SS (SPEAKER): Okay. Pull ahead to Window No. 3. (CAR PULL AHEAD SLOWLY, AND STOP. PAUSE. TR, SIGH AND THROAT CLEAR.) TK: You the guy with the $1.79 obsessive compulsive problem and the poor self image? TR: And depression. TK: Oh. Depression too. Okay. Just a minute. (PAUSE) Okay. Quit being so weird. Everybody makes mistakes, and so do you so don't make such a big thing of it. Quit brooding about it. Get outdoors once in awhile for crying out loud. Play a sport. Do something. Get a life. Make friends. You sit there looking at your belly button of course you're gonna get all screwy. Quit moping. Just get over it. Okay? TR: Okay. Could I have some drugs? TK: Here's a couple aspirin. Beat it. TR: Thanks. (CAR PULL AWAY) GK: Sunbrite Drive-Through Counselling. © 1996 Garrison Keillor
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Now Available:
A Christmas Blizzard
GK's New Holiday Story
A comic novella about a Hawaii-bound holiday traveler who ends up stranded in his North Dakota hometown.
Audio edition also available»
The Prairie Home cruise has become legendary on two of the Seven Seas and now is setting sail on a third, a weeklong spring break cruise of the western Caribbean along the Mexican coast, and it leaves March 14 from Tampa.
Stories of a Wobegon romance far from home, all delivered with Garrison Keillor's trademark humor.
Read the first chapter»Signed Copies Available»
The latest collection of Lake Wobegon short stories gathered from live broadcasts include Confirmation Sunday, the church directory photos, Pastor Ingqvist's leather bound sermons along with song lyrics and the "95 Theses," among others. Companion audio also available.
Order now!»