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Cafe Boeuf GK: Our show is brought to you by the Café Boeuf with your host, Maurice the maitre'd. (FRENCH GIBBERISH) Exactly. Here's a word to you parents: if you come to the weekend feeling you'd like a break from small people running around screeching and throwing things, come down to the Café Boeuf where the peaceful ambience, the candle light, the tasteful oil painting of large undressed women reclining in a forest, and the large menu with the tassels tells you: this is a place not like home at all. This is a---- TK: Non non non non non. GK: Non non non non what? TK: No menu. (IRRITATED GIBBERISH) GK: You don't have a menu at the Café Boeuf anymore? TK: Non, non, non, non. What is the point of a menu when people in Minnesota, all they order is beef or chicken, chicken or beef? (FRENCH EXASPERATION) GK: That's all they order? TK: Nobody wants to try anything new --- people here, they don't want the (GIBBERISH), they don't want the (GIBBERISH), they don't want the (GIBBERISH), and if you bring them (GIBBERISH) they turn up their noses at it. All they want is beef and chicken, chicken and beef. (CLUCK. MOO.) So we will bring them their dinner and they will eat it. There. (PLATE ON TABLE) GK: What is that? TK: It is a work of art. Eat it. GK: What is in this work of art? TK: Never mind. Bon appetit. Enjoy. GK: There aren't animal organs in here, are there? the kidneys of pigeons or anything? TK: Don't worry about it. You're a patron, you're not a pathologist. GK: What about these small brownish things? TK: That is the best part. GK: These aren't snails, are they? TK: No, not any more they're not. They're (GIBBERISH). (SMACK OF DELICACY) GK: Because I don't eat snails. TK: Nobody eats snails until they do eat snails and then the love snails. GK: I don't eat snails. TK: Why not? what did snails ever do to you? GK: I'm an American. We are not a worm-eating people. TK: (EXASPERATED GIBBERISH) GK: Worms are not in our diet. But--- I would eat it with a little peanut butter on it. TK: (FRENCH GAGGING) Peanut butter escargot? (GAGGING) GK: And instead of wine, I'd like a Dr. Pepper with the dinner. TK: (HIGHER PITCH OF REVULSION) GK: Parents of small children, you'll find a familiar world here at the Café Boeuf. No menu and you don't have to have wine. A place to go that's just like home except it's quiet. (PLAYOFF) |
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Now Available:
A Christmas Blizzard
GK's New Holiday Story
A comic novella about a Hawaii-bound holiday traveler who ends up stranded in his North Dakota hometown.
Audio edition also available»
The Prairie Home cruise has become legendary on two of the Seven Seas and now is setting sail on a third, a weeklong spring break cruise of the western Caribbean along the Mexican coast, and it leaves March 14 from Tampa.
Stories of a Wobegon romance far from home, all delivered with Garrison Keillor's trademark humor.
Read the first chapter»Signed Copies Available»
The latest collection of Lake Wobegon short stories gathered from live broadcasts include Confirmation Sunday, the church directory photos, Pastor Ingqvist's leather bound sermons along with song lyrics and the "95 Theses," among others. Companion audio also available.
Order now!»