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Fred Farrell GK: ...brought to you by Fred Farrell Animal Calls. (MONKEY, JUNGLE BIRDS) When it comes to animal calls, there's just one name, and that's Fred Farrell. TR: This is Fred Farrell. For years, people have said to me, "Fred, why don't you make an Animal Call that'll keep all the dumb dogs from jumping up on you. You go to somebody's house, and some stupid dog with slobbery lips brushes up against you and leaves about a pound of hair on your pants leg and then --- you know how when a dog stands on his hind legs and puts his paws on you, he almost always puts them in a real bad place?" Well, we invented a call to keep him off you, and we call it our Pocket Growler. It's like a bird call, all you do is twist it, but it makes a quiet growl (SFX) --- see? --- and dogs can hear that and understand it. Four messages in all --- this one (SFX), which says, "You jump on me, that's it, it's all over" and this one (SFX), which means, "If you're thinking about sniffing my hinder, better think again," and (SFX), which says, "So how was the operation on your gonads --- you still feel good about yourself?" and (SFX) "Don't kid yourself, your owners don't like you, so if they ever try to get you in a car, don't go." (WOOFS) Beat it. GK: Order a Fred Farrell Pocket Growler and get, free, a ten-in- one set of Animal Calls, yes, ten calls in one handy package, including moose (SFX), mouse (SFX), mollusk (SFX), mosquito (SFX), merganser (SFX), muskrat (SFX), musky (SFX), musk ox (SFX), water moccasin (SFX), and mastodon (SFX). Fred Farrell, the name to trust when it comes to animal calls. (MONKEY, JUNGLESBIRDS) © 1997 BY GARRISON KEILLOR |
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Now Available:
A Christmas Blizzard
GK's New Holiday Story
A comic novella about a Hawaii-bound holiday traveler who ends up stranded in his North Dakota hometown.
Audio edition also available»
The Prairie Home cruise has become legendary on two of the Seven Seas and now is setting sail on a third, a weeklong spring break cruise of the western Caribbean along the Mexican coast, and it leaves March 14 from Tampa.
Stories of a Wobegon romance far from home, all delivered with Garrison Keillor's trademark humor.
Read the first chapter»Signed Copies Available»
The latest collection of Lake Wobegon short stories gathered from live broadcasts include Confirmation Sunday, the church directory photos, Pastor Ingqvist's leather bound sermons along with song lyrics and the "95 Theses," among others. Companion audio also available.
Order now!»