Yo Momma Jokes
Saturday, April 5, 1997

Yo momma so dumb, she thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet!

Yo momma so dumb she bought a solar-powered flashlight.

Yo momma so dumb she watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes.

Yo momma so dumb it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

Yo momma so dumb she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!

Yo momma so dumb she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.

Yo momma so dumb, it takes her an hour to cook minute rice.

Yo momma so dumb, she cooked her own complimentary breakfast.

Yo momma so dumb when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon.

Yo momma so dumb, she got fired from the M & M factory for throwing away all the W's.

Yo momma so dumb she sold her car to get gasoline money!

Yo momma so dumb, she sold the house to pay the mortgage!

Yo momma so dumb, she sent me a fax with a stamp on it!

Yo momma so dumb she had to call the Operator to get the number for 911!

Yo momma so dumb, they had to burn down the school to get her out of second grade.

Yo momma so dumb when you stand next to her you hear the ocean!

(UGLY)

Yo momma's got a wooden leg with a real foot.

Yo momma's got a leather wig with suede sideburns.

Yo momma's arm-pits stink so bad she made Right Guard turn to left.

Yo momma's teeth are so yellow, when she smiles, cars slow down.

Yo momma so ugly, when she looks in the mirror, the reflection ducks!!

Yo momma so ugly, the psychiatrist makes her lie facedown.

Yo momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, no professionals."

Yo momma so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the cameras.

Yo momma so ugly, her face is closed on weekends!

Yo momma so ugly, when she was born the doctor slapped your grandma!

Yo momma so ugly, they know what time she were born, because her face stopped the clock!

Yo momma so ugly, when she cries the tears run up her face.

Yo momma so ugly, her mother had to feed her with a sling shot.

Yo momma so ugly, she could scare the moss off a rock!

Yo momma so ugly, she could scare the chrome off a bumper!

(OLD)

Yo momma so old, she walked into an antique store and they kept her.

Yo momma so old, her birthday's expired.

Yo momma so old, her driver's license got hieroglyphics on it!

Yo momma so old she still owes Moses a quarter!

Yo momma so old, when she was young, rainbows were black and white!!

Yo momma so old, when she was born, the Dead Sea was just getting sick!

Yo momma so old, she farts dust!

(FAT)

Yo momma so fat she can't reach her back pocket.

Yo momma so fat, if she got her shoes shined, she'd have to take his word for it!

Yo momma so fat, a picture of her would fall off the wall!

Yo momma so fat, she gets group insurance!

Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says 'to be continued.'

Yo momma so fat she sat on a dollar and when she got up there was 4 quarters.

Yo momma so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops.

Yo momma so fat, when she takes a shower, her feet don't get wet!

Yo momma so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through.

Yo momma so fat, when she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down!

Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.

Yo momma so fat, her job title is Spoon and Fork Operator!

Yo momma so fat when she goes to an all-you-can-eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.

Yo momma so fat, her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard!

Yo momma so fat, the sign outside one restaurant says 'Maximum occupancy, 512, or YO' MOMMA!'

Yo momma so fat, she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth!

Yo momma so fat she's on both sides of the family!

Yo momma so fat when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.

Yo momma so fat that when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips!

Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it.

Yo momma so fat she wakes up in sections!

Yo momma so fat, when she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease, the doctor gave her ten YEARS to live!

Yo momma so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!

Yo momma so fat, her belly-button's got an echo!

Yo momma so fat, her belly-button gets home 15 minutes before she does!

Yo momma so fat that her pictures had to be arial views!

Yo momma so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.

Yo momma so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th.

Yo momma so fat she's got her own area code!

Yo momma so fat, when she talks to herself, it's a long distance call!

Yo momma so fat, she's got smaller fat women orbiting around her!

Yo momma so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!

Yo momma so fat, she was born on the 4th, 5th and 6th of March.

Yo momma so fat she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for the new world.

Yo momma so fat, when she sings, it's over for everybody.

Yo momma so fat we're in her right now!


Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

Available now»

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