Saturday, November 8, 1997
Listen
...brought to you by Fred Farrell Animal Calls. (MONKEY, JUNGLE BIRDS) When it comes to animal calls, there's just one name, and that's Fred Farrell.
TR: This is Fred Farrell, and today we're going to go turkey hunting, with my guaranteed-effective Fred Farrell Turkey Call. (BRUSH, FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL) We'll just head into the woods here and I'll show you how it works. The turkey is a wily and elusive bird and that's why most turkey hunters spend the whole day tippy-toeing through the woods and never see a thing. (FOOTSTEPS STOP) Other turkey calls on the market today? Forget it. They're junk. This is what you need right here: the Fred Farrell Triple Turk ----- three calls ----- the Anybody Home? call (TURKEY INTEREST), the How'd You Like To Catch A Movie Tonight call (TURKEY PASSION), and the offer of the engagement ring (TURKEY ECSTASY). And if there's a turkey anywhere within a mile ----- (DISTANT TURKEY) ---- hear that? There's one over that way. Let's head over there. (FOOTSTEPS, BRUSH) And I'll give one more toot on the turkey call---- (TURKEY DATE OFFER) Let's see if we get another response. (PAUSE, DISTANT FLIRTATIOUS TURKEY CALL) Sounds like she's already got her lipstick on. Let me call to her again- --- (TURKEY DATE OFFER AGAIN) See if that sets off some sparks -- -- (DISTANT TURKEY SINGING) Oh boy. She's putting on her best perfume now. Okay, now we'll tell her that we're crazy about her and we can't live without her. (TURKEY EROTIC CRY) And we'll put a shell in the shotgun (SFX). She can't be far away now. (NEARBY TURKEY EROTIC RESPONSE) Sounds like the lady is ready to dance. (BRUSH) In just a moment, it'll be dinnertime---- (BRUSH) ----
TK: Hey!
TR: Who are you?? What are you doing?
TK: I'm hunting turkeys.
TR: Oh yeah??
TK: Yeah.
TR: Well, that's a pretty crummy turkey call you got there, mister. Sounds more like kids on laughing gas---- here, try this.
TK: What's this?
TR: That's the Fred Farrell Triple Turk, guaranteed to raise turkeys every time.
TK: Fred Who?
TR: Fred Farrell, the World's Greatest Woodsman. Have a good day, and be careful with that gun, it's pointed at your foot.
GK: Order the Fred Farrell Triple Turk today and get, absolutely free, his twelve-in-one animal call, including parrot (SFX), puma (SFX), peacock (SFX), Pekingese (SFX), pickerel (SFX), python (SFX), Persian (SFX), porcupine (SFX), penguin (SFX), pigeon (SFX), puffin (SFX), and Percheron (SFX). Fred Farrell, the name to trust when it comes to animal calls. (MONKEY, JUNGLE BIRDS)
© 1997Garrison Keillor
