APHC: Saturday, January 31, 1998

The Story of Bob
Saturday, January 31, 1998
Listen

(THREE BIG CHORDS)

TR (ANNC): Once again, Rainbow Motor Oil and the Rainbow Family of Automotive Products is pleased to present....The Story of Bob, A Young Artist....

GK: I've been very productive lately ---- the local junior college has asked me to do my performance piece, "Mr. Funny Bunny," in which I use a rabbit suit to explore certain gender issues, and last week I created more than 200 color Polaroids of these spontaneous action installations of Cheese Whiz that I create with a squeeze tube on rocks and snow and stuff ---- They're really quite beautiful.

(BIG ARPEGGIATA THEME, APPASSIONATO, AND UNDER....)

TR: The Story of Bob, starring Carson (Bud) Wyler as Bob, and written by Sara Bellum.

(VIOLIN THEME, AND UNDER....)

(DISHES BEING CLEARED FROM THE TABLE)

SS: You care for another helping of Hula Hotdish, Bob?

GK: No, thanks. ----Would you mind calling me Mr. Bunny when I'm in my costume, Berniece? It helps my concentwation.

SS: Okay. Whatever. Aren't you afraid you're going to get food on that rabbit suit?

GK: Mr. Bunny.

SS: Mr. Bunny what?

GK: Just say it.

SS: Oh, you've got me all confused.

GK: It isn't me who is getting you confused, Berniece. It's the fact that there is confusion and Mr. Funny Bunny makes that clearer. I mean, I make that cweawer.

SS: Anyway, I got three whole helpings of Hula Hotdish. How about it?

GK: No thank you, Berniece. Mr. Bunny has eaten all he can eat.

TR (POPS): Boy, that's for sure. Now I'm just waiting for the little black pellets to hit the floor.

SS: Now don't you go giving Bob a hard time, Pops.

TR (POPS): Must be wonderful. Go around in a rabbit suit and put cheese on things and call it art. Quite the deal.

GK: You are so insulting.

TR: You think that's insulting, wait til I get warmed up.

SS: Pops, how about another Hula Hotdish?

TR (POP): Okay, but hold the pineapple. Those things give me so much gas, I can't keep my socks up. (A SLIGHT BELCH)

SS: And then after we clean up and do dishes, we can drive over to the mall and get in our exercise.

TR (POPS): Sounds like a plan. Hey, Rex? Huh? (DOG PANT, THUMP, JINGLE) Good boy. Rex gets his exercise by chasing rabbits, don't you, boy? Huh? (PANT, THUMP, JINGLE)

SS: You need anything from the mall ---- Mr. Bunny?

GK: I don't, but Bob would like another roll of Polaroid film, I'll bet.

SS: Oh, speaking of film, there was a message for you, Bob. From somebody named Mona.

GK: Mona----

SS: No, not Mona. Maybe it was Moma.

GK: Moma???

TR (POPS): Who is she, some girlfriend?

GK: Was it Moma?

SS: I think so. Yes.

GK: The Museum of Modern Art?

SS: It was a guy.

TR (POPS): A guy named Mona. Oh boy. Wouldn't you know it- ---

GK: Was his name Tom? Tom Dont?

SS: Could be. Sure sounds familiar.

TR (POPS): Could you hear his earrings jingle, Berniece?

GK: You think it was Tom Dont of Moma?

SS: I think so.

TR (POPS): Guys named Mona, Rex. (WOOF) Guys in high heels.

GK: He's the curator of photography. He's the kingmaker in the art world. Did he say what he wanted?

SS: He said he was interested in your Whizzes.

TR (POP): Oh boy. Guys in high heels going in the men's room, Rex. (WOOF)

GK: He said that? He knows about my Whizzes?

SS: What are they anyway?

TR: You don't want to know, Berniece.

GK: They're photographs of action installations.

TR (POP): Oh boy. Guys in high heels taking pictures in the men's room---- oh boy. (WOOF)

SS: He seemed very excited.

TR: I'll bet he was excited!

GK: This could be it! MOMA.

TR: Did you hear a tinkling sound, Berniece? Other than the earrings?

GK: I've got to go to New York, Berniece. Tomorrow. Lend me the money. Please.

SS: Why not just call him up on the telephone?

GK: Because this is my big chance. After all these years, of being trapped by old mind-sets about art ---- I've found my own vocabulary. My own idiom.

TR (POP): Boy, idiom is the word for it all right. Gimme more of that Hula Hotdish there, Berniece.

(KNOCK ON DOOR, AND DOOR OPEN)

TK (OFF): Hi there!

SS: Oh---- hi, Arvid --- come on in---- you care for some Hula Hotdish?

TK: No, thanks. (FOOTSTEPS APPROACH) I just came over because somebody put cheese all over my mailbox.

SS: Let me get you some hotdish, and afterward I'm sure that Mr. Bunny would be happy to go over and clean up your mailbox for you.

TK: Okay. (HE SITS DOWN)

TR (POPS): Hi, Arvid.

TK: Hi.

TR (POPS): How's it been going then?

TK: Not bad. Except for the cheese. It all froze to the metal.

TR (POPS): Well, it's art, you know.

TK: Oh.

GK: Aren't you going to say hello to Mr. Bunny, Arvid?

TK: Okay. Hello.

GK: Can you say it? Mr. Bunny----

TK: No problem.

SS: (FOOTSTEPS) How's your mother, Arvid?

TK: Fine.

SS: That's nice. And your brother?

TK: He's fine too.

GK: Arvid?

TK: Yes?

GK: Arvid, I think that you and I need to talk about vulnerability- ---

TK: You know, I think I'm just going to take a rain check on that hotdish, Berniece.

GK: That's what Mr. Bunny is all about, Arvid. The fact that weakness in others makes us doubt ourselves---- isn't that intewesting?

TR: It's not Bob. It's a rabbit. So go ahead. Shoot him, Arvid.

TK: I only came in because somebody put cheese all over my mailbox.

SS: Mr. Bunny is going to take care of that, aren't you, Mr. Bunny?

(THEME)

TR (ANNC): THE STORY OF BOB, A YOUNG ARTIST....was brought to you by Rainbow Motor Oil and the Rainbow Family of automotive products. (MUSIC UP AND OUT)