Bertha's Kitty Boutique
Saturday, February 14, 1998
Listen

(GK: Garrison Keillor; TR: Tim Russell; SS: Sue Scott; KM: Kate MacKenzie)

...after a message from Bertha's Kitty Boutique.

(CRISIS CHORDS. MOURNFUL CAT MEOWS.)

TR: Doggone it, Cynthia! I'm sick of these stupid cats of yours! They're all over the place! They're driving me nuts!

SS: (REVERB) I don't understand. Roger knew when he married me a year ago that I had Muffy and Snowball and Madame Kitty and Buttercup and Missy Frou frou and Meow Tse Tung. I've only added Mr. White Shoes and Danny Boy and F. Cat Fitzgerald since then. What's the big problem?

TR: The place stinks of litter boxes and there's cat hair on everything we own! You've got to get rid of some of them! Or else it's all over with us! Do you hear me??

SS: (REVERB) Him or them interesting choice. As far as love and understanding and communication go it's not a difficult choice at all. But how could I live without Roger paying half the rent? (MUSIC)

GK: Here's how, Cynthia.

TR (DEEP ANNOUNCERLY VOICE) The next time you marry or form a relationship, take out a Partner Insurance policy from Bertha's so that if your partner and your cats don't get along, you'll be able to have the financial freedom to make choices for yourself. (TIME PASSAGE MODULATION)

SS: It's been so much more peaceful without Roger here. And now there's a whole half a bed to accommodate more cats!

GK: Partner Insurance, from Bertha's just in case he doesn't care about cats.(MUSIC BUTTON)

© 1998 Garrison Keillor

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

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