Cinderella Songs
Saturday, February 14, 1998
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(GK: Garrison Keillor; KM: Kate MacKenzie)

BOTH: We fell in love at the dance at the castle,

We waltzed in a pure paradise.

KM: I ran down the steps / to go home at midnight

In a pumpkin with a couple of mice.

GK: I found her glass slipper there on the staircase

And searched for the lady it fits.

I asked her---

KM: We married

BOTH: It seemed to be perfect

But soon it turned into the pits.

GK: We came home from the honeymoon, climbed that old staircase

KM: And I saw the dust on the floor.

There were dustballs and hairballs the size of a rabbit,

And the bathroom was hard to ignore.

GK: Weeks went by, months, and the place was a pigsty.

KM: And I knew--- Oh I knew --- what he'd say.

BOTH: Why can't you keep this place clean, Cinderella?

Why must we live this way?

(SPOKEN, OVER VAMP)

KM: Why can't I keep it clean??

GK: It's disgusting. Look. Chicken bones on the floor. Broken glass from your slippers. Dead flowers.

KM: Do I live here alone Is there anyone else living in this room? Huh?

GK: Those aren't my big tufts of golden hair in the bathtub drain. That isn't my makeup strewn from one end of the bathroom to the other.

KM: I'd be more than happy to discuss a system of sharing the cleaning responsibilities, if that interests you.

GK: Sharing!

KM: You never heard of sharing?

GK: I'm a prince

KM: I'm your princess.

GK: Yes, but --- before you married me --- I mean after all I did for you --- your had nothing--- you were a slave---

KM: So--- I don't want to be one again. Okay?

GK: Look. Cindy. You're good at cleaning. Your cleaned your stepmother's place. You're a great hearth sweeper and cook and --- I don't know how to do those things. I'm basically good with swords and I'm a terrific dancer.

KM: (You could) set an example for all of your subjects

If you'd pick up a pail and a mop.

Maybe they'd sweep up the streets and the highways

If some sweeping went on at the top.

If royalty stooped down to pick up a dustmop

Cleaning might gain prestige.

Why don't you be a real prince, Mr. Charming?

Where's your noblesse oblige?

GK: Somehow I never imagined that a fairy tale would turn out like this. Show White didn't do this, did she?

KM: She had dwarves.

GK: The Little Mermaid?

KM: She lived underwater. The currents took care of it.

GK: It was so great falling in love with you, I never stopped to think about housekeeping. What are we going to do? Get slaves? Slaves are hard to get.

KM: Look, Charming--- cleaning is not that hard--- I'll teach you---

GK: Your fairy godmother couldn't - come in a couple days a week---

KM: Nope. Gone.

GK: Gone?

KM: Fairy Godmothers are in big demand these days. She went into management.

GK: Oh.

BOTH: We fell in love at a dance in the castle,

We walked up the aisle side by side.

And now time has passed, and the royal apartment

It smells like royalty died.

The closet's a swamp and the kitchen's a mess

And the bedroom's a shame and disgrace.

The romance was lovely. Last night was a ball

Now it's time to clean up the place.

© 1998 Garrison Keillor

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

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