Larry
Saturday, March 28, 1998
Listen

(MUSIC)

GK: At the dark end of the street

That's where we always meet

Hiding in shadows where we don't belong

Living in darkness to hide our wrong

You and me, at the dark end of the street.

They're going to find us, they're going to find us,

They're going to find us someday, you and....

(CLICK)

(PAUSE)

TK (LARRY): That's the great thing about radio. You can turn it off. Some people don't know that.

SS (OFF): Larry!!

TK: What is it, Kitty?

SS (OFF): Come here. (FOOTSTEPS) (newBORN KITTENS SFX)

TK: How are they doing?

SS: They're doing fine.

TK: They're so pretty.

SS: Do you think so?

TK: Can I hold one?

SS: Do you know the right way to hold it? You have to pick it up in your teeth.

TK: Never mind. ---Which one is Larry, Jr.?

SS: This one. The little guy.

TK: How come he's not with the others?

SS: I don't know. Some kitties are like that. Say, I'm sorry I gave birth in your dryer, Larry.

TK: That's okay. I never use it.

SS: It was so warm, and there were all these clean clothes in it.....

TK: It's okay.

SS: Say, Larry? I'm starving. Could you get me something to eat?

TK: Sure. What would you like?

SS: A Denver sandwich. On a sesame seed bun. And a vanilla shake.

TK: Okay. Be right back. (FOOTSTEPS, AND UP STAIRS. OPEN DOOR. CLOSE. FOOTSTEPS INTO KITCHEN.)

GK: Oh. Hi, Lar. Mom said she thought you were still down there. She'sbeen calling you. (TK GETS FRYING PAN OUT OF CUPBOARD, OPENS FRIDGE, GETS OUT EGGS) Said she hadn't seen you for weeks. You all right? Everything okay?

TK: I'm fine. (HE PUTS EGGS INTO FRYING PAN, SIZZLE)

GK: Making yourself some breakfast?

TK: Right.

GK: Everything okay downstairs?

TK: Fine.

GK: Mom said you put a lock on the laundry room door.

TK: Yeah.

GK: Mom was worried that maybe you're depressed.

TK: Of course I'm depressed. What else is new? You'd be depressed too if you were me.

GK: Sorry, Lar.

TK: I used to be the popular one. Then you put that sign on my back that said KICK ME. I never forgot it. People laughing. I've never been the same since.

GK: Mom wanted me to tell you something, Larry.

TK: About what?

GK: She and Dad are selling the house, Larry.

TK: This house? My house?

GK: It's too big for them, Larry. We've talked them into getting an apartment. The house has been on the market for a year. It sold a month ago.

TK: How come nobody told me?

GK: We did.

TK: You did?

GK: Yes.

TK: Where are Mom and Dad?

GK: They're at the apartment.

TK: They moved?

GK: They've been there for a week. (DOOR OPENS, FOOTSTEPS)

TR: You done with the table, mister?

GK: Yeah, we're done with it.

TR: How about the toaster? is that ready to go? and the microwave?

GK: You need the toaster, Larry?

TK: No, I don't need the toaster. Where's the blender?

TR: It's gone. Packed up. You all done with the fridge? or you want me to leave that for last?

GK: You can leave that for now.

TK: You mean everything's out of the house? the furniture?

GK: We slipped notes under your door. You didn't read them?

TK: When are the new people moving in?

GK: I don't know. Maybe tomorrow.

TK: (HE SCRAPES UP EGGS FROM PAN, SLAPS THEM ON BREAD) Aren't there even any plates?

GK: They're packed. Here's a paper towel.

TK: Excuse me. (FOOTSTEPS, DOOR OPEN, CLOSE. DOWN STAIRS. ACROSS FLOOR. DOOR OPEN, CLOSE. FOOTSTEPS. MEWING KITTENS.) Here's your Denver. I couldn't make you a shake. Sorry.

SS: Thanks. (MOUTH FULL) Oh boy. This sure hits the spot.

TK: Cecile?

SS: (MOUTH FULL) What is it?

TK: We're going to have to move. I have to find a new home for you and the kids.

SS: What's wrong?

TK: They sold the house.

SS: No!

TK: They moved to an apartment.

SS: Maybe there's a basement there.

TK: I don't know. (KNOCKS ON DOOR) What??? Who is it?

TR (OUTSIDE DOOR): Is the washer and dryer ready to go?

TK: No!!!

TR (OUTSIDE): He said to get the washer and dryer.

TK: Come back in an hour!

TR (OUTSIDE): He said to get it now. Your brother. He said right away.

(FOOTSTEPS) (DOOR OPEN)

TR: He said to get the washer and dryer now.

TK: Look. You are not dealing with a normal person here, okay ---- I am very depressed, and if I get upset, I'm liable to go berserk big time and ----

TR: Hey. Look what's in the dryer. A mama cat and her kittens. (SS MEOW) Hi there, Mama.

TK: Get away from her.

TR: Hey, they're cute. How old are they?

TK: Don't touch em.

TR: Huh, look at this little scrawny one. The runt of the litter. That's you, isn't it, little guy---

TK: Get away from those cats.

TR: I'm not going to hurt em. (HE BENDS DOWN) Just gonna pick up this little fella here. (SS MEOW)

(LOUD KONK, AND TR GROANS AND FALLS)

SS: Thanks, Larry.

TK: Let's get out of here.

SS: And go where?

TK: I don't know.

GK (OFF): Larry????

TK: (JINGLE OF KEYS) I got the keys to the moving truck.

SS: It's going to take me awhile to carry all these little guys upstairs in my mouth.

TK: I'll just pick up the dryer, and carry all of you.

SS: Isn't it heavy?

TK: I can do it. --- (HE STEPS AROUND DRYER)--- Just pull the vent out of the wall---- (RIP)---- unplug it (UNPLUG)------

SS: Where're we going, Larry?

TK: I don't know. There are caves by the river.

SS: Are you sure you can lift this dryer?

TK: You're not heavy. You're my family.

SS: Oh Larry.

TK: I'll just close the dryer door---- hang on----

SS: But what if he hears you, Larry?

TK: He won't---- I'll turn up the radio! (MUSIC UP)

GK: They're going to find us

They're going to find us

They're going to find us

Oooooooo someday

You and me----- at the dark end of the street.

You and me.

© 1998 by Garrison Keillor

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

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