Silver Lining
Saturday, June 20, 1998
Listen

(PIANO UNDER)

I remember the night in June, back when I was your age, it was graduation night and I had returned my gown to Miss Pfleider in the cafeteria and gotten my five dollar deposit back and I hung around on the school steps until my dream woman Wanda Johnson came out---- (EVENING AMBIENCE. FOOTSTEPS APPROACH)

SS: Oh---- hi.

GK: Hi. I ---- I just wanted to say goodbye, Wanda.

SS: Right. Guess our high school years are over. (SHE LAUGHS AWKWARDLY)

GK: Yes. Seems like it.

SS: Well. I guess we'll always have the memories, won't we.

GK: Yes. I know I will, anyway. Well, congratulations.

SS: Oh, thanks. You too.

GK: That's a nice dress.

SS: Thank you.

GK: It looks good on you.

SS: It's kind of small for me.

GK: It looks good. Small looks good on you.

SS: Thanks. Are you going to Patty's party?

GK: Patty Peterson?

SS: Yes.

GK: I didn't know there was one. Tonight?

SS: Maybe I shouldn't have said anything.

GK: Is that where everyone went?

SS: I guess----

GK: I was wondering. I was in the cafeteria and it seemed like the whole class---- just---- suddenly they were gone.

SS: Yeah. Well---- it's getting late.

GK: Right. I shouldn't keep you----

SS: Do you need a ride anywhere?

GK: Like where?

SS: I don't know. Wherever you're going.

GK: No, I'm fine.

SS: Are you sure?

GK: I'm fine. Have fun.

SS: You too.

GK: Sure. See you at the reunion.

SS: See you then. (MUSIC)

GK: It wasn't the first time I didn't get invited to a party. But that night I went home and looked at myself in the mirror, me in my highwater pants and big boats on my feet and the dorky glasses and the bad haircut and I vowed that (MUSIC BUILD) I would go into radio broadcasting and win the popularity and acceptance I could never achieve in real life ---- and I vowed that I would

Look for the silver lining
Whene'er a cloud appears in the blue,
Remember somewhere the sun is shining,
And so the best thing to do is let it shine on you....

GK: And it did shine on me, and I became a popular radio personality with shows like-----
(BLIZZARD, HOWL)

TR (OLD-TIME ANNOUNCER): WYLER OF THE NORTH! Struggling alone in the face of the storm to bring truth and beauty to the frozen tundra (BLIZZARD)

(TELEGRAPH KEY)

TR (ANNOUNCER): The Mutual Broadcasting Service presents.....Carson Wyler And The News....brought to you by Windham Baked Beans.....

(BIG BAND DANCE THEME)

TR (OLD-TIME ANNOUNCER): And now, from the Starlight Lounge of New York's famous Ansonia Hotel, it's Carson Wyler and his Melody Cats--- (FADING) brought to you by Hav-A-Ree----

GK: It was all to compensate for my having been such a geek in high school, and my career went well until just last week when--- I don't know if it's the medication or maybe I've been eating too much dairy product --- but last week's show was a real stink bomb. (LOW SAX & BASS NOTE) I knew it. Everybody knew it. I sat in the dressing room, asking myself, Why----- why did I sing "Volare" ---- why did I do all of those jokes about prosthetic devices? Why? And then Sue Scott came in and made a valiant attempt to lie to me, the way people in show business do.

SS: That was so--- original, what you did out there, so---- it had an emotional generosity that you don't get with technical gloss ---- sure, it was uneven, but it had an emotional resonance that, personally, I prefer to --- you know---- technical gloss.--- (QUIET SOBBING)--- Would you like some Jujubes?

(BRIDGE)

GK: The next day my boss Mr. Smythe stuck his head over the partition of my work cubicle----

TR: Carson----- how's it going?

GK: Fine, sir.

TR: Oh. Good. Mind if I sit down for a minute?

GK: No, of course not, sir.

TR: I tuned in the show last weekend.

GK: I see. I must say, it was----

TR: That Tom Keith is sure a funny guy, isn't he----

GK: Yes----

TR: He just wins your heart, doesn't he? And funny? The guy breaks me up. (HE CHUCKLES) I recorded him on cassette. Listen to this (TK MOOSE) Isn't that good? (

TR LAUGHS) I love that! I guess that's why we get so much mail about him.

GK: We do?

TR: People writing in, saying, "More Tom Keith." Sometimes they refer to him as "that guy with the smile in his voice". Listen to this (TK CHOPPER) I love it. Don't you? Listen. (TK WHINNY) Same guy. Can you believe it? Same guy.

GK: For a sound effects man, yes--- he's----

TR: Tom Keith tests very well with focus groups, Carson.

GK: You've been working with focus groups----?

TR: When we play a recording of Tom Keith to a focus group, their reaction is, "There is a guy who I wish my sons would have as a role model. A guy I'd lend my lawnmower to.

GK: Did you play tapes of me to focus groups?

TR: We did. When they heard you, they said, "This guy is under a great deal of stress. This guy is the sort of guy I was always afraid my sister might marry. This guy, if he got on a plane, I'd want his hand luggage searched very carefully."

GK: I see.

TR: Maybe you need to take some time off. Rest up. Try to get back your old spark.

(MUSIC)

GK: And that's why we came to Maine. I came here to try to put the music and the color back into my drab existence --- to get the inspiration that a person needs to go on living ---- and I came to the Rabindranath Janarandamahakrishnamurti Meditation Center and Fishing Camp at Lake Piscacadawadaquoddymoggin (LOON, AND OUTDOOR AMBIENCE)----(TR INDIAN: Welcome to our resort. Let me show you to your cabin.) ----

(MUSIC BRIDGE)

GK: And that's how I met Stephen King. He was there too. We went fishing.

TR (FLAT, DEEP VOICE): Hi. I'm Stephen King and I just wrote a book about a killer microwave that I sold for an advance of seven million dollars. You want to sit in the bow or the stern?

GK: Stephen King and Joyce Carol Oates and Rabindranath Janarandamahakrishnamurti, the owner of the camp ---- all of us went out fishing one evening (AMBIENT NIGHT TIME SOUNDS) with Mr. King's dog, Blue Fang. (WOOF)

TR (DEEP FLAT VOICE): Beautiful night out tonight. (WATER, OAR SFX)

SS: Nice moon too. Almost full.

TR (INDIAN): Yes, indeed. Almost full, the moon. Tomorrow it should have complete fullness.

SS: Nice to have a clear sky.

GK: I sure envy you people your serenity.

TR (DEEP FLAT): I got a lot of serenity since I sold that book. Right, boy? (DOG WOOF)

GK: Why is that dog looking at me that way? And why is it smoking a cigarette?

TR (INDIAN): We must learn to practice serenity and to locate within ourselves the divine love that is at the center of all of nature.

(THE LAPPING OF WATER. A DISTANT LOON)

GK: What are you using for bait, Miss Oates?

SS: Croutons.

GK: Whole wheat?

SS: Sourdough.

GK: I'll bet there're big ones down there, aren't there.

TR (INDIAN): Oh my yes. Very very big ones down there.

SS: I'm using big croutons. (REEL PLAYING OUT)

TR (FLAT DEEP): I once had a giant marlin mounted on the wall of my study and I wrote a book about a stuffed fish that ate six people. Wrote it in three weeks. Over a thousand pages. It sold about sixteen million copies. One fish.

SS: Must be nice to have your kind of testosterone, Steve. It means never having to edit.

TR (INDIAN): Testosterone is all part of the love that is at the center of all of nature.

SS: Sure is guys' country up here in Maine. Must be nice. To be able to write your name in the snow nine months of the year.

GK: I thought I felt a bite.

SS: That's what being a guy is all about. The world is your urinal. Lots of testosterone toxicity up here, if you ask me. Guys in Maine go out and kill moose the size of a Buick and they never have to shave or worry about hurting anyone's feelings. Their phone conversations take about thirty seconds. And they pee everywhere.

TR (INDIAN): Oh my goodness---- look down there---- Do I see a fish--- Oh yes, I think I do. (SMALL SPLASH) Oh dear.

GK: What was that?

TR (INDIAN): I have just dropped my glasses in the lake. Oh goodness me.

GK: Oh oh.

TR (INDIAN): Oh my. Now I cannot see a thing. No. Now I must see with the inner eye of consciousness. Oh no----- (THRASHING IN WATER, WOOF)

SS: Something's on your line, Rabindranath Janarandamahakrishnamurti!

TR (INDIAN): Oh goodness, me--- (HE STRAINS) it is a very very big fish!

GK: It's a big one all right!

TR (INDIAN): Oh goodness. What if he tips the boat over?

SS: Sit down, Mr. Janarandamahakrishnamurti!

TR (INDIAN): I can't sit down or I will lose him ---- Ready with the net! (WOOF, THRASHING IN WATER) My O my, it is a big one, this fish. Yes, yes.

GK: It's huge! (FLOPPING FISH)

TR (FLAT DEEP): Look at those eyes. They're the color of tinfoil. (FLOPPING)

SS: I've got him in the net! ---- I think! (FLOPPING)

TR (FLAT DEEP): Hit him with an oar!

SS: Hit him with what?

TR (INDIAN): No, no---- you must not hit him. This is a very very special fish.

GK: He has a gun!

TR (FLAT DEEP): Stand back! (GUNSHOT, THEN ANOTHER) Got him! (WATER BUBBLING UP)

SS: You shot a hole in the bottom of the boat!

TR (INDIAN): Oh dear, I was afraid something like this might happen.

SS: Talk about testosterone poisoning!

TR (INDIAN): Help us! Please. Help!

GK: What are we going to do?

TR (FLAT DEEP): Luckily I brought several copies of my book along. My books, when soaked in water, expand to sixteen times their size and may be used as flotation devices. (MUSIC BRIDGE)

GK: We had to swim half a mile in the frigid waters clutching a waterlogged novel, and when we reached the Rabindranath Janarandamahakrishnamurti Meditation Center, all there was to eat was yoghurt and lentils, and in all the confusion, the fish was lost, a fish that I'd estimate to have been about two-hundred pounds, possibly some kind of freshwater dolphin, and, strangely, something else was lost too. My sadness was gone. I left it there in the cold waters of Lake Piscacadawadaquoddymoggin.

TR (FLAT, DEEP): I'm going to write a book about Rabindranath Janarandamahakrishnamurti except I'm going to make him a serial killer.

GK: I came out of that lake a hopeful guy, and what more do we need than hope---- hope and....

A heart filled with joy and gladness
Can always vanquish sadness and strife.
So always look for the silver lining
And try to find the sunny side of life.