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Sound Effects Auditions TK: Soon as I find a replacement, I'm out of here. GK: So, in August, Tom advertised for a sound effects person and fourteen people applied. And Tom put them through an audition. TK: All right, maggots, listen up! I want to hear a flock of chickens running around a henhouse, AND I WANT IT NOW! (CHICKENS) You call those chickens? Let's hear it again! (CHICKENS) That's pathetic! PATHETIC! Now drop and give me twenty sounds! Cow! (FX ON AND OFF MIC AS IF DOING PUSHUPS) Horse! (FX) Pig! (FX) Rooster! (FX) Dripping faucet! (SFX) Again! (FX) Now double time (FX)! GK: All afternoon he pushed them until they were on the verge of collapse. TK: Gimme an elk! (FX) an antelope! (FX) a caribou! (FX). Open a door! doors (FX), Slam it! (FX) bust a window! (GLASS BREAKAGE) Again! (GLASS AGAIN). I can't hear you! (EXPLOSION AND GLASS BREAKAGE) That's better. GK: Then he ran them through the live ammunition obstacle course - TK: Move it, maggot! Through the minefield (EXPLOSIONS)! Past the machine-gun! (SFX) Past the motars (SFX) the water balloons! (SFX) GK: Finally, at the end of it all, one guy was left standing. TK: You! TK: (TEEN) Me, sir? TK: You. Get up here! TK: (TEEN) Yes, sir. (FOOTSTEPS AND STOP) TK: You're good, kid. I think you can handle the job. Here's a contract. Good luck. TK: (TEEN) Thank you, sir! This means so much to me, sir. TK: Good! And now, in your honor - a 21-gun salute and a flyover by a squadron of F-16s. TK: (TEEN) Yes, sir! (CANNONS BOOM) (F-16'S FLYOVER) TK: Look out! One of the F-16's is coming in low. Look out, kid! (PLANE SFX) GK: What happened to him? Was he hit? TK: No, but the plane scared him so bad, he suffered 80% hair loss. GK: So? TK: He was disqualified. GK: Why? TK: A sound effects man needs a full head of hair. That's how you get the sound of guys going through thick brush. (SFX) See? GK: I see. TK: So I guess I've got to stick it out for another year. GK: Well, if you need to miss a show, don't worry. I'll cover you. TK: You'll cover what? GK: I can do 'em. Gunshots. Horses. Door Open. Close. TK: You sound like you're trying to clear your throat. GK: Caribou. Elk. Wapiti. TK: Don't make me laugh. How about orangutans? GK: I can do it. TK: You don't do it like that - you do it like this - (SFX) (ETC.) (MUSICAL CRESCENDO) (c) 1998 by Garrison Keillor |
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Singer and songwriter Andra Suchy talks about singing duets with Garrison, and her latest album, Little Heart.
Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976
Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).
