|
Ketchup Advisory Board (GK: Garrison Keillor, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith, TR: Tim Russell) TR: These are the good years for Barb and me. The kids have moved out and gotten accepted into cults and we sold the house for a huge profit and moved into a condo complex that only allows residents who know all the words to "Yesterday". We've been exercising regularly, watching our weight, and I've found a fantastic California Chardonnay that sells for $6 a bottle. And yet, the other night I found Barb sitting up and reading Jack Kerouac. -Barb? What's wrong? SS: Nothing, dear. Just have a case of those desolation blues, that's all. Just thinking maybe it's time to get in a car and see what's at the other end of the highway - TR: But why? We're happy. Aren't we? SS: Jim - remember yesterday morning when I saw the ad for a beauty makeover? TR: Right. Why don't you go get one, honey? SS: I did, Jim. This morning. TR: Oh. SS: And you didn't notice. TR: You had a makeover? Are you sure? SS: Jim, my hair is orange. It used to be brown. TR: Oh. Great. And your eyes, too. Did you get blue contacts? SS: Jim, I've always had blue eyes. TR: Is that right? Isn't that something - SS: Do I mean anything to you, Jim? Or am I just some drudge who goes around picking up your socks? Some waitress who brings you scrambled eggs in the morning? TR: I don't remember having scrambled eggs this morning, Barb. SS: We've been married for twenty-four years, Jim? Do you even know who I am?? TR: Oh, wait a minute. Right. Now I remember. Scrambled eggs and ketchup. SS: You barely talk to me anymore. But if the phone rings and it's some young woman from work, suddenly you're Mr. Personality. TR: That ketchup I had this morning - that must be why you can't make me feel guilty, Barb. SS: You're probably right. TR: I love you, Barb. Heck, I take you for granted sometimes, just like we take ketchup for granted, but I don't know what I'd ever do without either one of you. SS: Do you mean that, Jim? TR: You're a trusty staple in the cupboard of my heart, Barb. SS: Oh, Jim - RD: RD: Ketchup ... ketchup ... (c) 1998 by Garrison Keillor |
|
|
|
|
Now Available:
A Christmas Blizzard
GK's New Holiday Story
A comic novella about a Hawaii-bound holiday traveler who ends up stranded in his North Dakota hometown.
Audio edition also available»
The Prairie Home cruise has become legendary on two of the Seven Seas and now is setting sail on a third, a weeklong spring break cruise of the western Caribbean along the Mexican coast, and it leaves March 14 from Tampa.
Stories of a Wobegon romance far from home, all delivered with Garrison Keillor's trademark humor.
Read the first chapter»Signed Copies Available»
The latest collection of Lake Wobegon short stories gathered from live broadcasts include Confirmation Sunday, the church directory photos, Pastor Ingqvist's leather bound sermons along with song lyrics and the "95 Theses," among others. Companion audio also available.
Order now!»