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The Bad Babysitter TR: THE VERY BAD BABYSITTER ... (ORGAN STING) GK: It's Mom and Dad's night out (TR VOCALIZING, OFF-MIKE, IN SHOWER) and they're really looking forward to it, but then (PHONE RING, PICK UP) - SS: Mother??? What??? You can't come??? (STING) GK: Grandma can't come and take care of the kiddoes. SS: We can't go, Bob! Mother's sick - TR (OFF): Call up Sharon. She'd be glad to babysit. SS: Sharon?? GK: And a voice in your head says ... TR: VERY BAD BABYSITTER ... (ORGAN STING) SS (MOM): Mommy and Daddy are going out to dinner, Melissa, Josh. You be good. TR (DAD): Be good, Snuggums. SS (KID): Bye, daddy. Bye, mommy. TR (KID): Bye, mom. Bye, dad. SS (MOM): You do what Aunt Sharon says, honey. TR (DAD): We'll be home soon. SS (HARDENED): Don't worry about a thing. Melissa and me, we're pals, right? SS (KID): That's right. GK: And you go off to dinner and it's your one night out and you try not to think about it ... SS (MOM): I wonder if I should call home. TR (DAD): Don't worry. Everything's fine. GK: Meanwhile, at home ... TR (KID): Wow, Aunt Sharon! Where'd you get that funny underwear?? SS (HARDENED): You like it, Skippy? This is Aunt Sharon's party outfit. (POURING IN GLASS, ICE) (DOORBELL) TR (KID): Wow, Aunt Sharon!! There's a couple of guys at the front door!! SS (HARDENED, FADING): You go upstairs and watch TV, Josh - where's Melissa? TR (KID): She's looking at stuff in the medicine cabinet. SS (HARDENED): Oh. Okay. (DOOR OPEN) Hi, Buck. Hi, Big Boy. TR & TK: Hey, baby. Va va va voom - (THEY LAUGH) (MUSIC UNDER) GK: They're good parents, they read all the parenting books, they fed their children the right food, they read aloud to them, they got them into good schools, and then one night, a Very Bad Babysitter - SS (HARDENED): Me and Buck and Big Boy are gonna - we're gonna go out for a little bit, kids, and you just entertain yourselves, okay? TR (KID): Okay ... GK: You protect your child from disease, but one night you have to go to the opera and it's hard to get a babysitter and at the last minute you do - SS: Gotta run. I'll be home by 11. TR (DRACULA): You go ahead. Have fun. Little Timmy and I, we'll be just fine. Won't we - (HEINOUS LAUGH). (MUSIC THROBBING) GK: Coming up later tonight on many of these radio stations. (BIG CRASHING CHORD) (c) 1999 by Garrison Keillor |
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Now Available:
A Christmas Blizzard
GK's New Holiday Story
A comic novella about a Hawaii-bound holiday traveler who ends up stranded in his North Dakota hometown.
Audio edition also available»
The Prairie Home cruise has become legendary on two of the Seven Seas and now is setting sail on a third, a weeklong spring break cruise of the western Caribbean along the Mexican coast, and it leaves March 14 from Tampa.
Stories of a Wobegon romance far from home, all delivered with Garrison Keillor's trademark humor.
Read the first chapter»Signed Copies Available»
The latest collection of Lake Wobegon short stories gathered from live broadcasts include Confirmation Sunday, the church directory photos, Pastor Ingqvist's leather bound sermons along with song lyrics and the "95 Theses," among others. Companion audio also available.
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