|
Brain Surgery (GK: Garrison Keillor, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith, TR: Tim Russell) GK: Say, men. Does this happen to you when you try and tell a joke? TR: (LAUGHING) So this guy and his parrot go into a bar. I forget the name of the bar, but it isn't important. Some bar. Or maybe it's a pub. I don't know. Anyway, the guy orders a martini and he says, "Bring one for my parrot too." No, wait a minute. It's a Manhattan. The joke won't work if it's a martini. So this guy orders a Manhattan, and one for the parrot - actually, it's a snake - Hey, where's everybody going? GK: If your friends go screaming into the night when you try to tell a joke and your wife pretends she doesn't know you, it could be a sign of Joke Deficiency Disorder. JDD. TR: Wait! I just remembered the punch line! GK: Now thanks to modern medicine, there is a cure. TR: There is? GK: Yes, brain surgery. TR: But isn't brain surgery expensive? GK: Not at MinneMed. MinneMed is the largest health services provider in the Midwest and during our Spring Fling surgery sale, we've slashed prices to rock bottom. Now for only $149.95 you can have your brain cells injected with DNA cloned from the late Henny Youngman. TR: Wow! What a bargain. But - these surgeons - are they - GK: Are they certified? Of course, it's safe. Each and every one is a trained professional under the laws of the state of South Dakota. (MUSIC, CLINK OF SURGICAL INSTRUMENTS) TK: (HUMMING) SS: You're going to make the incision there? TK: Isn't that right? SS: That's his shoulder. TK: Oh. How about there? SS: Better. TK: Good. Say - who ordered the pastrami? SS: I did. TK: Who's got the tuna, and a diet coke? Omigosh. I just dropped my pickle in his cerrebellum! SS: That's okay. You can have mine. (MUSIC) GK: The very next night -(PARTY SFX) TR: What's wrinkled, brown, and wears a truss? A prune with a hernia. (BIG LAUGHS) SS: Oh, Fred. You crack me up. GK: Why suffer from Joke Deficiency Disorder when MinneMed can solve the problem with a simple brain operation. Offer void where prohibited by pesky consumer watchdog groups. (c) 1999 by Garrison Keillor |
|
|
|
|
Now Available:
A Christmas Blizzard
GK's New Holiday Story
A comic novella about a Hawaii-bound holiday traveler who ends up stranded in his North Dakota hometown.
Audio edition also available»
The Prairie Home cruise has become legendary on two of the Seven Seas and now is setting sail on a third, a weeklong spring break cruise of the western Caribbean along the Mexican coast, and it leaves March 14 from Tampa.
Stories of a Wobegon romance far from home, all delivered with Garrison Keillor's trademark humor.
Read the first chapter»Signed Copies Available»
The latest collection of Lake Wobegon short stories gathered from live broadcasts include Confirmation Sunday, the church directory photos, Pastor Ingqvist's leather bound sermons along with song lyrics and the "95 Theses," among others. Companion audio also available.
Order now!»