APHC: Saturday, April 10, 1999

Yo Momma
Saturday, April 10, 1999
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(GK: Garrison Keillor, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith, TR: Tim Russell, PP: Paula Poundstone)

GK: Yo Momma's so short you can see her feet on your drivers license!

PP: Yo Momma's so old your birth certificate says Expired. Yo Momma's so old that when she was in school there was no history class. Yo Momma's so old she sat behind Jesus in the third grade. Yo Momma waited on table at the Last Supper.

GK: Yo Momma's so ugly, the last time she heard a whistle was when she got hit by a train. When Yo Momma was born the doctor slapped her parents.

PP: Yo Momma smells so bad, Speed Stick slowed down and stopped. Yo Momma's glasses are so thick that when she looks on a map she can see people waving.

GK: Yo Momma's so dumb, she failed a survey. Yo Momma's so dumb, she sent me a fax with a stamp on it. Yo Momma's so dumb she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!

PP: Yo Momma's so dumb - If my dog was as dumb as her, she'd walk backwards and wag his head.

GK: Yo Momma's so ugly she go in a strip joint and they pay her to keep your clothes on.

PP: Yo Momma's so ugly your Dad goes to work with her so he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.

GK: Yo Momma's so ugly, the psychiatrist makes her lie face down. Yo Momma is so ugly, they put her face on box of Ex-Lax and sold it empty. Yo Momma's so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the cameras.

PP: Yo Momma's so fat her shadow weighs 100 pounds. Yo Momma's so fat, when she takes a shower, her feet don't get wet. Yo Momma's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin. Yo Momma's blood type is Ragu. Yo Momma's belly button doesn't have lint, it has sweaters.

GK: Yo Momma's so fat that when she hauls ass, she have to make two trips! Yo Momma's so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back you had on flip flops.

PP: Yo Momma's such a glutton when she goes to an All You Can Eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps. Yo Momma's so fat, she buys clothes in 3 sizes: XL, Jumbo and OH MY GOD IT'S COMING TOWARDS US. Yo Momma's so fat, she walked in front of the TV and we missed 2 episodes of "Friends."

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From Garrison Keillor:
“When I was 16, Helen Fleischman assigned me to memorize Shakespeare’s Sonnet No. 29, ‘When in disgrace with fortune and men’s eyes, I all alone beweep my outcast state’ for English class, and fifty years later, that poem is still in my head. Algebra got washed away, and geometry and most of biology, but those lines about the redemptive power of love in the face of shame are still here behind my eyeballs, more permanent than my own teeth. The sonnet is a durable good. These 77 of mine include sonnets of praise, some erotic, some lamentations, some street sonnets and a 12-sonnet cycle of months. If anything here offends, I beg your pardon, I come in peace, I depart in gratitude.”

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Robin & Linda Williams are among the most popular guest performers of A Prairie Home Companion (they also appeared in the movie, have performed as part of the The Hopeful Gospel Quartet, and made appearances as Marvin & Mavis Smiley). This CD features some of the duo's best harmonies from the show. Among the 12 tracks are familiar fan favorites, including "For Better or Worse", "Visions of Mother and Dad", "Tied Down, Home Free" and the title track. A collection that is muy bueno!

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