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The Ketchup Advisory Board SS: These are the good years for me and Jim. The kids got accepted into a nice boarding school in Venezuela. The dog got his degree from obedience school, awarded posthumously. And that funny smell wasn't from either one of us, it was a dead squirrel in the furnace. TR: Barb - I don't think I'll ever be an interior decorator. SS: Oh? TR: I've been turned down by the Famous Designers School. SS: The one that advertises on the back of matchbooks? With a picture of a room that says Accent Me? TR: That's the one. I sent in my application and they sent back a note that said my ideas were puerile and jejune. SS: Oh Jim - TR: They suggested I apply to their Famous Carpet Layer's School instead. SS: Oh dear ... TR: I worked so hard over that design. The black leather sofa, the plaid curtains, the lampstands made of artillery shells, the souvenir pillows from Hawaii ... SS: You're a duck hunter, Jim. Not many duck hunters do well in interior design. They're just not compatible. TR: And then just last month I was turned down for the Talent from towns under Two Thousand contest - SS: Oh, what do they know? Really. What did you send in on the audition tape? TR: A five-minute talk about the importance of a diversified investment portfolio, Barb. It was my best work. People at the office heard it and wept. SS: You know what you need, Jim? TR: Yes. A break. SS: No, you need ketchup. Ketchup has natural mellowing agents that help dull the pain of unrealized dreams. C'mon, let's go to the kitchen and I'll fix you some toast. With ketchup. TR: I feel better already. RD: GK: Ketchup. For the good times. RD: Ketchup ... ketchup. (c) 1999 by Garrison Keillor |
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Now Available:
A Christmas Blizzard
GK's New Holiday Story
A comic novella about a Hawaii-bound holiday traveler who ends up stranded in his North Dakota hometown.
Audio edition also available»
The Prairie Home cruise has become legendary on two of the Seven Seas and now is setting sail on a third, a weeklong spring break cruise of the western Caribbean along the Mexican coast, and it leaves March 14 from Tampa.
Stories of a Wobegon romance far from home, all delivered with Garrison Keillor's trademark humor.
Read the first chapter»Signed Copies Available»
The latest collection of Lake Wobegon short stories gathered from live broadcasts include Confirmation Sunday, the church directory photos, Pastor Ingqvist's leather bound sermons along with song lyrics and the "95 Theses," among others. Companion audio also available.
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