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A Prairie Home Companion with Garrison Keillor

Ketchup Advisory Board
Saturday, April 24, 1999
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(GK: Garrison Keillor, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith, TR: Tim Russell, RD: Rich Dworsky)

Tonight's show is brought to you by the Ketchup Advisory Board.

 

TR: These are the good years for me and Barb. I found a really good breath spray that seems to have cleared up the problem and now I'm getting invited to meetings again. The tax refund came and we used it to de-worm the dog and as a result he passed Barb's wedding ring that he swallowed a couple weeks ago. And Barb's brother phoned and said they're not visiting this summer after all. So it looked like things were starting to look up for us, and then I come home from work to find Barb with her head in the freezer eating rocky road ice cream right out of the carton. With a serving spoon. - Barb, what's wrong?

SS: I was just looking at pictures from our romantic weekend getaway in Cannon Falls, Jim.

TR: What about it?

SS: I can't believe that's me -

TR: What's wrong?

SS: I look so old, so fat - so blank -

TR: Now that you mention it - there is a kind of vacancy about you -

SS: I need to lose weight, and do something about my hair. And then I need to take some courses at the University of Minnesota.

TR: Sounds like a plan.

SS: There's so much I need to know, Jim. About critical methodology and cultural pluralism and the Ming dynasty and the work of regulatory agencies and macroeconomics. I've never studied macroeconomics, Jim. I'm forty-eight years old and I don't understand macroeconomics.

TR: So many people go through life and never realize they don't understand macroeconomics, Barb. You're one of the lucky ones.

SS: It's spring, Jim. I'm going to go back to the U and make up all of those incompletes from my junior year and graduate at last.

TR: That's good.

SS: From now on, I'm going to let the housekeeping go and just live life to the fullest.

TR: And don't forget about the ketchup.

SS: That's the secret of the good life, isn't it - getting enough ketchup.

TR: Because ketchup has natural mellowing agents that help take the sting out of life's disappointments.

SS: Don't you think some ketchup would taste awfully good right now? I do.

(KETCHUP SONG)

RD: Ballet and painting and the operas of Rossini
Flowers and red wine and pesto and linguini
Good things are flowing like ketchup on a weenie

GK: Ketchup. For the good times.

RD: Ketchup....ketchup.....

(c) 1999 by Garrison Keillor


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LIBERTY

Liberty:A Novel of Lake Wobegon A national holiday in Lake Wobegon is always gaudy and joyful. But what is going on between Clint Bunsen and Miss Liberty?
Everyone is here—Pastor Ingqvist, the Sons of Knute, Sister Arvonne of Our Lady of Perpetual Responsibility and her ocarina band, the Norwegian bachelor farmers, Dorothy and the Chatterbox Café, Wally in the Sidetrack Tap—as crowds converge on the little town to celebrate American independence, even as the chairman of the event broods on the great question of the day: Shall we struggle on valiantly here or shall we burst the bonds and find beautiful life in the golden west?



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