APHC: Saturday, April 24, 1999

Ketchup Advisory Board
Saturday, April 24, 1999
Listen

(GK: Garrison Keillor, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith, TR: Tim Russell, RD: Rich Dworsky)

Tonight's show is brought to you by the Ketchup Advisory Board.

TR: These are the good years for me and Barb. I found a really good breath spray that seems to have cleared up the problem and now I'm getting invited to meetings again. The tax refund came and we used it to de-worm the dog and as a result he passed Barb's wedding ring that he swallowed a couple weeks ago. And Barb's brother phoned and said they're not visiting this summer after all. So it looked like things were starting to look up for us, and then I come home from work to find Barb with her head in the freezer eating rocky road ice cream right out of the carton. With a serving spoon. - Barb, what's wrong?

SS: I was just looking at pictures from our romantic weekend getaway in Cannon Falls, Jim.

TR: What about it?

SS: I can't believe that's me -

TR: What's wrong?

SS: I look so old, so fat - so blank -

TR: Now that you mention it - there is a kind of vacancy about you -

SS: I need to lose weight, and do something about my hair. And then I need to take some courses at the University of Minnesota.

TR: Sounds like a plan.

SS: There's so much I need to know, Jim. About critical methodology and cultural pluralism and the Ming dynasty and the work of regulatory agencies and macroeconomics. I've never studied macroeconomics, Jim. I'm forty-eight years old and I don't understand macroeconomics.

TR: So many people go through life and never realize they don't understand macroeconomics, Barb. You're one of the lucky ones.

SS: It's spring, Jim. I'm going to go back to the U and make up all of those incompletes from my junior year and graduate at last.

TR: That's good.

SS: From now on, I'm going to let the housekeeping go and just live life to the fullest.

TR: And don't forget about the ketchup.

SS: That's the secret of the good life, isn't it - getting enough ketchup.

TR: Because ketchup has natural mellowing agents that help take the sting out of life's disappointments.

SS: Don't you think some ketchup would taste awfully good right now? I do.

(KETCHUP SONG)

RD: Ballet and painting and the operas of Rossini
Flowers and red wine and pesto and linguini
Good things are flowing like ketchup on a weenie

GK: Ketchup. For the good times.

RD: Ketchup....ketchup.....

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