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The American Duct Tape Council A word from the American Duct Tape Council. (DUCKS) Spring means a lot of work around the house getting things shipshape - and if you live in an older home, it's one headache after another ... taking off storm windows - (TR EFFORT, SQUEAKING) (TR: Why won't this darn thing ... come loose? TR EFFORT. GLASS BREAKAGE) ... opening up the outside water line ...(TR EFFORT, RUST LOOSENING, BIG TR EFFORT, CRACK AND WATER SPRAYING) ... and trying to get the lawnmower started ...(TR: Nineteen. BIG EFFORT, AND ENGINE TURN OVER AND DIE. TR: Twenty. BIG EFFORT AND ENGINE DIE. TR: Twenty-one! HUGE EFFORT AND ENGINE DIE. TR: Twenty-two. GUNSHOTS). Did you know that with two out of three home chores, duct tape makes it easier? And that the third one doesn't matter? If there's a gap between the screen and the frame ...(RIP OFF TAPE) duct tape covers it. If the water line cracks (RIP TAPE), repair it with duct tape. And if the lawn mower won't start, put your right arm in a sling made of duct tape and watch for your neighbor to come out - (TR: Hey? would you mind starting my mower for me? TK: You bet. LIGHT PULL, ENGINE STARTS. TR: Thanks! TK: No problem. Life is too short to spend it on maintenance. Duct tape ... it's almost just about the only thing you need sometimes, duct tape. (DUCKS) A message from the American Duct Tape Council. (c) 1999 by Garrison Keillor |
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Now Available:
A Christmas Blizzard
GK's New Holiday Story
A comic novella about a Hawaii-bound holiday traveler who ends up stranded in his North Dakota hometown.
Audio edition also available»
The Prairie Home cruise has become legendary on two of the Seven Seas and now is setting sail on a third, a weeklong spring break cruise of the western Caribbean along the Mexican coast, and it leaves March 14 from Tampa.
Stories of a Wobegon romance far from home, all delivered with Garrison Keillor's trademark humor.
Read the first chapter»Signed Copies Available»
The latest collection of Lake Wobegon short stories gathered from live broadcasts include Confirmation Sunday, the church directory photos, Pastor Ingqvist's leather bound sermons along with song lyrics and the "95 Theses," among others. Companion audio also available.
Order now!»