Fiber Optic-Guided Golf
Saturday, May 15, 1999
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(GK: Garrison Keillor, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith, TR: Tim Russell)

We'll be back right after this message.

(CHORDS)

GK: Aren't you a little tired of losing at golf?

TR: Hey. Nice round, Buddy. Terrific. You were really swinging those clubs today, by gosh. Coupla nice drives. And your putt on 14. Boy. An eight-footer.

TK: Thanks a lot.

TR: Soon as you straighten out those long irons, you're going to be tough to beat. You mind if I give you a little pointer? You need to think more about your follow-through, (FADES) let me show you something - how to address the ball - see what I'm doing here?

GK: Golf is a game, it's played for fun, but sometimes you come to a game you just have to win ... like when you play your brother in law ...

TK: Yes!

GK: This guy has taken you to the cleaners for twenty years now - you've got to beat this guy!

TK: I'm going to beat him!

GK: And that's why you want a Championship Fiber Optic-Guided Golf Ball from ACT. The tiny chip imbedded in the core is programmed for the course you're playing and guided by signals from Global Positioning Satellites so you can hit the green every time.

TK: Every time??

GK: Make your target selection using your cell-phone and lock the golf ball's tracking system in to guidance commands from the ground station in your golf bag. The imaging sensor homes in on the pin, and you've got an eagle, a birdie, whenever you want it.

TK: But what if I top the ball?

GK: No problem - the tiny turbofan engine provides more than enough power to reach the green.

(SWING, CONK, BALL FLIGHT)

TR: Wow! Look at that drive!

TK: Come on, baby ... come on ... come on ... come on ...

TR: Another hole in one! That makes - four?

TK: Just trying to do what you showed me about follow-through.

GK: Golf is a game, and we play it for fun, but ever so often there are some games you have to win.

TR: I can't believe you scored a 64. You!

TK: Hey, I got lucky. By the way, you were hitting some good ones out there yourself.

TR: Oh, shut up.

TK: Couple of those drives of yours, if they hadn't gone into the next fairway, they could've hit the green too.

GK: Golf is a game, but some games you have to win. Win them. With a Fiber-Optic Guided Golf Ball from ACT - Advanced Concept Technology. (SWING, CONK, BALL FLIGHT, LAND, IN CUP)

(c) 1999 by Garrison Keillor

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

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