Ketchup Advisory Board
Saturday, July 3, 1999
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(GK: Garrison Keillor, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith, TR: Tim Russell, RD: Rich Dworsky)

Tonight's show is also brought to you by the Ketchup Advisory Board.

TR: These are the good years for me and Barb. Barb's mom went to a weight loss clinic, and had her jaws wired shut. The neighbor's dog who kept getting into our garbage has gone to a better place. And we're proud to say we've put two kids through Harvard. Not our kids. Our plumber's kids. But at least somebody's getting an education.

We should have been happy. But Barb has been so moody this week.

What's wrong, honey?

SS: Nothing -

TR: Something is.

SS: I'm fine.

TR: Tell me what's wrong?

SS: Oh, Jim. It's summer and we've got absolutely no plans. Other people take vacations. Why don't we?

TR: Because they're never any fun, that's why. We go to the beach, we lie there, a woman walks by with a waistline the size of your ankle, and you burst into tears, and you spend the day in the room watching CNN.

SS: We could go to San Francisco - New York - Washington -

TR: You ever been in Washington in August? It's a steam bath.

SS: There's Europe - Italy - France - Spain -

TR: I'll get you the videos.

SS: But I want to see the world.

TR: Honey, the moment we get more than twenty miles from home, we start to fight about something. Marital harmony is inversely proportioned to distance from the master bedroom. Jim's law.

SS: Oh Jim. I want to go dancing in the moonlight. I want to see the pyramids along the Nile, watch the sunrise on a tropic isle. I want to fly the ocean in a silver plane, watch the jungle when it's wet with rain.

TR: How about we go fishing for a couple of days?

SS: WHAT?

TR: We can go fish, and at night we can sit on the screened porch and hear the waves on the beach and eat beans and weenies.

SS: That doesn't sound very romantic.

TR: It is if you have ketchup.

SS: It is?

TR: Everyone knows ketchup has natural mellowing agents. And it's chock full of endorphins. That's why they call it "nature's anti-depressant".

SS: Actually, it does sound pretty good.

TR: You bet, it's good.

SS: Oh, Jim. You're so good to me. Can we take Scrabble with us?

RD:

These are the good years, in the golden sun,
A new day is dawning, a new life has begun.
The river flowing, like ketchup on a bun.

 

GK: Ketchup. For the good times.

(c) 1999 by Garrison Keillor

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

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