|
American Duct Tape Council (GK: Garrison Keillor, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith, TR: Tim Russell, RD: Rich Dworsky) We'll return to tonight's show after a word from the American Duct Tape Council. (DUCKS) Duct tape. It's one thing that really works. TR: I been goin out huntin' deer since I was a kid, got my first buck when I was 14, always remember that, and after ten, fifteen years, I donno, the rifle it seemed too easy in a way so I switched to huntin with a bow and arrow, cause it was more of a challenge. Then, about ten years ago, I switched to huntin with just a strip of duct tape and goin hand to hoof, y'might say. The duct tape deer hunting season starts around Labor Day. I pack my huntin' clothes in a plastic bag full of pine boughs for a few weeks and I soak my socks in fox urine, and I paint my face black and brown and I use a mouthwash that makes my breath smell like rotting bark and I hang oak branches on me and cover my shoes with moss and stand there and wait for a buck and when one comes I give a little grunt, kind of a romantic female grunt, and lure him up real close until he's gets eyeball to eyeball and then I jump him and tie him up with duct tape and take a picture of him and let him go. It's catch-and-release hunting. I'm vegetarian. Anyway, last year I was standing there stock still with oak branches hanging on me and moss on my shoes and a game warden walks right up to me and starts to take a leak and I had to yell at him - I yelled HEY! and he fell over and he broke his leg and I had to haul him over my shoulders. Had to carry him two miles to the nearest road. And then I had to get him to the hospital. Problem was, he was a big guy and he couldn't bend his leg and my backseat was full of camping gear, so I had to tie the warden across the hood. Used duct tape. And do you know - fifteen miles we drove on some pretty rough roads and not one strip of duct tape came loose the whole time. GK: Duct tape ... it's one thing that really works. (DUCKS) A message from the American Duct Tape Council. |
|
|
|
|
Now Available:
A Christmas Blizzard
GK's New Holiday Story
A comic novella about a Hawaii-bound holiday traveler who ends up stranded in his North Dakota hometown.
Audio edition also available»
The Prairie Home cruise has become legendary on two of the Seven Seas and now is setting sail on a third, a weeklong spring break cruise of the western Caribbean along the Mexican coast, and it leaves March 14 from Tampa.
Stories of a Wobegon romance far from home, all delivered with Garrison Keillor's trademark humor.
Read the first chapter»Signed Copies Available»
The latest collection of Lake Wobegon short stories gathered from live broadcasts include Confirmation Sunday, the church directory photos, Pastor Ingqvist's leather bound sermons along with song lyrics and the "95 Theses," among others. Companion audio also available.
Order now!»