I'M A LUTHERAN
Saturday, October 2, 1999
Listen

(GK: Garrison Keillor, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith, TR: Tim Russell, RD: Rich Dworsky)

Hello from Minnesota.
You call it pasta, we call it macaroni,
and thank you very much,
yes, I believe I will have more. And

I was raised in Iowa, went to Concordia,
Swedish, I'm proud to say.
Got a job at Lutheran Brotherhood,
And I never was sick one day.
Bought a house in south Minneapolis
Over by Cedar Lake
If you ask me this latest merger
Was nothing but a big mistake.
Now I have nothing against Episcopalians
I believe in an open door
I'm sure it's good to get new ideas
But we never did it that way before.

Praise heaven, I believe
Praise heaven, I believe
I'm a Lutheran, a Lutheran, it is my belief,
I am a Lutheran guy.
We may have merged with another church
But I'm a Lutheran til I die.

We are a modest people
And we never make a fuss
And it sure would be a better world
If they were all as modest as us.
We do not go for whooping it up,
Or a lot of yikkety-yak.
When we say hello, we avert our eyes
And we always sit in the back.
We sit in the pew where we always sit,
And we do not shout Amen.
And if anyone yells or waves their hands,
They're not invited back again.
I'm a Lutheran, a Lutheran, it is my belief,
I am a Lutheran guy.
We may have merged with another church
But I'm a Lutheran til I die.

We've got chow mein noodles on tuna hotdish
And Jello with cottage cheese,
And chocolate bars and banana cream pie,
No wonder we're on our knees.
This is the church where we sing Amen
At the end of every song.
The coffee pot is always on
Cause the meetings are three hours long.
The blessed tie that binds our hearts
Is cream of mushroom soup
We do not walk through the door alone.
We wait and go as a group.

Praise heaven, I believe
Praise heaven, I believe
I'm a Lutheran, a Lutheran, it is my belief,
I am a Lutheran guy.
We may have merged with another church
But I'm a Lutheran til I die.

Episcopalians are proud of their faith,
You ought to hear em talk
Who they got? They got Henry the 8th
And we got J.S. Bach.
Henry the 8th he had six wives
Trying to make a son.
J.S Bach had 23 children
And wives, he had just one.
Henry the 8th'd marry a woman
And then her head would drop
J.S. Bach had all those kids
Cause his organ had no stop.
Praise heaven, I believe
Praise heaven, I believe
I'm a Lutheran, a Lutheran, it is my belief,
I am a Lutheran guy.
Episcopalians I don't mind
But I'm a Lutheran til I die.

Once in awhile we go to shows
But a Lutheran is not a fan.
We don't whistle and we don't laugh
We smile as loud as we can.
If you come to church, don't expect to be hugged,
Don't expect your hand to be shook.
If we need to know who you are,
We can look in the visitors book.
I was raised to keep a lid on it,
Guard what you say or do.
A Mighty Fortress is our God
So he must be Lutheran too.

Praise heaven, I believe
Praise heaven, I believe
I'm a Lutheran, a Lutheran, it is my belief,
I am a Lutheran guy.
Episcopalians I don't mind
But I'm a Lutheran til I die.

 

(c) 1999 by Garrison Keillor

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

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Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

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