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The Twelve Days of Christmas
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 18, 1999
Listen
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
FIVE ONION RINGS
Four calling cards
Three french fries
Two dirty gloves
And the Partridge family CD.
On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Six geezers playing
FIVE ONION RINGS
Four calling cards
Three french fries
Two dirty gloves
And the Partridge family CD.
On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Seven Swanson dinners
Six geezers playing
FIVE ONION RINGS
Four calling cards
Three french fries
Two dirty gloves
And the Partridge family CD.
On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Eight maids a'baking
Seven Swanson dinners
Six geezers playing
FIVE ONION RINGS
Four calling cards
Three french fries
Two dirty gloves
And the Partridge family CD.
On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
A twelve-minute drum break (DRUMS)
Eleven plumbers piping (SFX CLANKING)
Ten boring people (SFX MONOTONE)
Nine ladies yawning (SFX)
Eight maids a'baking (FEMALE VOICES)
Seven Swanson dinners (BELCH)
Six geezers playing (SFX)
FIVE ONION RINGS (FIVE DINGS)
Four calling cards (PHONE BEEPS)
Three french fries (SQUISH)
Two dirty gloves (DISGUST)
And the Partridge family CD.
(c) 1999 by Dan Fiorella
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A national holiday in Lake Wobegon is always gaudy and joyful. But what is going on between Clint Bunsen and Miss Liberty?
Everyone is here—Pastor Ingqvist, the Sons of Knute, Sister Arvonne of Our Lady of Perpetual Responsibility and her ocarina band, the Norwegian bachelor farmers, Dorothy and the Chatterbox Café, Wally in the Sidetrack Tap—as crowds converge on the little town to celebrate American independence, even as the chairman of the event broods on the great question of the day: Shall we struggle on valiantly here or shall we burst the bonds and find beautiful life in the golden west?
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