APHC: Saturday, February 3, 2001

Duct Tape
Saturday, February 3, 2001
Listen

(GK: Garrison Keillor, TR: Tim Russell, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith)

GK:……brought to you by the American Duct Tape Council (DUCKS) and here for duct tape is the devastatingly beautiful Cynthia Maxwell.

SS: Thank you ever so much. You would never know it to look at me but I grew up in a small town in Wisconsin, and you're going like IMPOSSIBLE, that CAN'T be TRUE? Look at how thin you are? Wisconsin? No WAY! But I did, I grew up in Cheeseville, and every day of my life I just say like Thank you God for MTV, it was my only connection to the world, my only idea of what was like truly cool. I watched it constantly, videos for breakfast, videos for lunch, and then "Club MTV" for dinner. And then some programming genius decided they should do game shows like "Lip Service" and "Remote Control". Wow. So cool. NOT. And then they brought in that idiot veejay, I am talking about Carson Daly. I mean, talk about dull normal! Talk about minimal personal skills! Talk about resistible! But there he was and now the songs were aimed at little girls who just learned to use the potty and react to bright colors ---songs about boyfriends and the beach and thongs with lyrics that the kids in special ed could learn and instead of bands who played guitars, you had bands that danced in a line, and all these little girls in Times Square are jumping up and down and saying things, like "We love Christina Aguilera's video because her hair is totally awesome in it...Wooo-hooo!". And I'm going, like, Where's the babysitter? I mean, what happened to music? Hello. What happened to hip? And that's why I have made my own Cynthia Maxwell video, with like my very very fave songs and a lot of fog and these like really sullen looking guys leaning against walls and me looking incredibly fragile and pale and my hair like really short and my legs like sticks in those tight tight pants because like they're not pants, okay? they're like duct tape. Okay?

GK: Okay. Cynthia Maxwell for the American Duct Tape Council……