The Lives of the Cowboys
Saturday, February 10, 2001
(GK: Garrison Keillor, TR: Tim Russell, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith)
....right after this word about saddles. (WHINNY)
TR: Howdy, this is Dusty and Lefty ---- I am Dusty----
GK: And I am Lefty ----
TR: If you're wanting to get away from it all, there's no better way than on the back of a horse.
GK: Some people try to get away on their snowmobile or All Terrain Vehicle, but when you use machines to try to get away from it all, you wind up taking it all with you, what you were trying to get away from. And it's harder to sneak up on stuff.
TR: The one problem with riding a horse has always been that after you ride for a few hours you are no longer able to walk, but this is no longer the case with the new Svendson Series 900 Air-ride Saddle. It rides like a luxury car, thanks to precision Swedish engineering.
GK: Here's how this Svendson saddle works. (WHINNY) Easy, White Blaze. (CHUFF) Notice how the motorized mount lowers the saddle (HUM) onto the horse's back and fits itself snugly around the middle (LOWER HUM) and (RATCHET) the two saddle clamps secure the stirrups (TWO LOCKS), and there you are, ready to ride.
TR: The Svendson Air-Ride Saddle is loaded with extra features, Lefty, like this Global Positioning System built right into the saddlehorn there, so you always know right where you are. (BEEPS) Also gives you current temperature and wind conditions and mileage to the next town.
GK: No more getting lost in blinding blizzards or dust storms.
TR: And just looky here. (LASER) It's a laser lariat, the lariat that never misses. You just look at what you're aiming at and the laser beam mounted in your Stetson guides the lariat straight and true.
GK: How about the sound system?
TR: Two headphones, Lefty. One for you and one for the horse.
GK: Well, there's an innovation.
TR: Did you know that horses that listen to Mozart have 25% less stress on the trail? It's true.
GK: How do they know a thing like that?
TR: These sensors here under the saddle ---- give you a read-out on your horse's blood pressure, sugar level, salt content, cholesterol level, stress index, and urine level in the bladder ---- and you got a warning light for when the horseshoes are loose or need replacement. And there's an oats overload light, too.
GK: Those Swedes think of everything.
TR: And here's the feature that probably means the most to the older cowboy such as yourself. ---- it's the patented E-Z-Up stirrup. See this switch under the left side, (HUM) it lowers the left stirrup down to a comfortable height so you just put your boot in there and up you glide. (HUM, HIGHER). And then you got these nice leather saddlebags. They look like saddlebags but actually they're air bags. If your feet should suddenly leave the stirrups, they deploy in time to break your fall.
GK: And the saddle comes equipped with a phone and Caller ID and voice mail, and a built-in Pommel Pilot with one year free of Internet access. And this convenient guitar holder. (STRUM)
The Svendson saddle made from light rawhide
With a laser lariat and Pommel Pilot by your side
Swedish engineering gives you luxury ride
I been all around this world.
(c) 2001 by Garrison Keillor