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American Duct Tape Council
Saturday, February 10, 2001
Listen
(GK: Garrison Keillor, TR: Tim Russell, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith)
.....after a word from the American Duct Tape Council. (DUCKS)
GK: So much to do around the house in cold weather and you know if you did all these odd jobs according to the textbook, you'd never have time for anything else. That leak in the upstairs bathroom, for example ----- (RIP TAPE) you wrap about fifty feet of duct tape around it and set a pail under it and you're covered. Cold air coming through a gap between the storm window and the frame (RIP TAPE) ---- cover it up with duct tape. Mice coming in through a gap under the front door? (RIP TAPE) Tape that front door closed and use the back door. Front walk need shoveling? Just put your right arm in a sling made of duct tape and watch for your neighbor to come out---- and then make a pitiful attempt to shovel with your left hand. (TR: You need some help? TK: No, I'm okay. TR: What's wrong with your arm? TK: They don't know. TR: They don't know. TK: They have no idea. TR: Let me do it. Please. ) Life is too short to spend it on maintenance. Did you know that with two out of three home chores, duct tape makes it easier? And that the third one doesn't matter. Duct tape....it's almost just about the only thing you need sometimes, duct tape. (DUCKS) A message from the American Duct Tape Council.
(c) 2001 by Garrison Keillor
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