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Café Boeuf (GK: Garrison Keillor, TR: Tim Russell, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith)
----- this portion of our show brought to you by the Cafe Boeuf with your host, Maurice the maitre'd. Bonjour, Maurice. TK: Eh? GK: Bonjour----- TK: Not sure about what, monsieur? TK: What can I bring you, monsieur? TK: Oui, monsieur. Un salade! And after that? GK: That's all. TK: That's all, monsieur? GK: That's all. TK: A salad, monsieur? GK: A salad. TK: One little salad? GK: That's all. TK: What dressing with your salad? GK: French? TK: Monsieur, they are all French. All of the dressings are French. This is a French restaurant, non? The bread, it is French bread, the fried potatoes they are French fried, the baked potatoes they are French baked, the dressings are French. GK: How about Roquefort? TK: We have no more Roquefort. GK: Bleu cheese? TK: No more Bleu cheese. GK: Vinaigrette? TK: We are out of vinaigrette. GK: Italian? TK: Never heard of it. GK: Russian? TK: Be serious, monsieur. GK: How about ranch? TK: Ranch, monsieur? GK: Ranch. TK: We have ranch but not for you. GK: Why not? TK: Ranch only comes with a salad that is ordered with boeuf, monsieur. GK: Oh. TK: Only with a boeuf entrée. That's why it's called ranch dressing. GK: I didn't know that. TK: A ranch is not where they raise salads, monsieur. A ranch is for boeuf! GK: So if I don't order boeuf, I have to have my salad with no dressing. TK: Oui, monsieur. GK: I really only wanted a salad. TK: Yes, I know. GK: I've been trying to cut back. TK: I can see why. GK: You couldn't just ---- TK: Non. GK: You couldn't? TK: Non. GK: I have to order the boeuf? TK: Oui. GK: Okay, I'll have the boeuf. TK: Excellent. (FRENCH ENTHUSIASM) You wish your boeuf cooked rare, monsieur? GK: I was thinking of medium, actually. Or medium well. TK: MEDIUM WELL???? (FRENCH OUTRAGE) Medium!!! What is this, medium??? Why not order the boeuf covered with melted cheese, monsieur???? Why not have it chopped up and put in a bun with a big pickle!!!!! GK: Okay. Okay. I'll have it rare. TK: Beautiful. (FRENCH ADMIRATION) How rare? GK: A little rare? Medium rare? TK: Medium rare!!!! What is it with the medium???? The cow have given its life so you can overcook its body????? GK: Okay. What do you recommend? TK: I recommend very rare. Dark red and cool in the middle. The meat still (HEARTBEAT) ---- you know what I mean? GK: Okay, whatever you say. TK: You are a brave man, monsieur. I salute you! (HE KISSES HIM TWICE ON EACH CHEEK) (FRENCH GIBBERISH, IN SALUTE) La belle France salutes you. Here. A cigarette. GK: I don't smoke. TK: You don't smoke? GK: I don't smoke. TK: How can you not smoke? GK: I don't smoke. TK: Are you celibate too? GK: No. TK: Do you make love to your wife? GK: Yes. TK: How can you make love if you don't have a cigarette afterwards? GK: We just do the best we can. TK: Americans. (FRENCH WEARINESS) No wonder you're afraid of death, you don't know how to live. Ah well. I'll smoke it for you. (LIGHT MATCH. INHALE. LONG EXHALE. COUGH) Excellent. ---- What with the boeuf? Potatoes? GK: Yes, the long thin fried potatoes. Sort of square-shaped. Fried nice and brown. TK: Oui, monsieur. And wine? GK: Yes, please. TK: What kind? GK: I don't care. What do you have? TK: Everything. What do you want? GK: It doesn't matter. Anything. A red wine. TK: Of course, what kind? ---- GK: You choose. TK: Just tell me what you want. GK: Something appropriate. TK: It's up to you, monsieur. It makes no difference to me. GK: Please. You choose something. TK: I don't know what you like, monsieur. GK: How about a Pinot Noir? TK: PINOT NOIR? THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS PINOT NOIR!!! EH? WHERE IS THE PINOT NOIR? IS THERE A REGION OF FRANCE CALLED PINOT NOIR?? PINOT NOIR IS FROM OREGON, MONSIEUR. IT'S MADE FROM WOOD CHIPS. (PFFFFFFFFFF) GK: Okay, Burgundy. TK: BURGUNDY WITH A VERY RARE BOEUF? GK: How about a Cabernet? TK: THERE IS NO SUCH PLACE AS CABERNET! IT'S NOT FRENCH. ARE WE IN CALIFORNIA? IS MY NAME BRENT? GK: A Bordeaux then TK: That is better. GK: Your best Bordeaux. TK: You want the best? GK: Please. TK: It's very expensive. GK: Please. And bring two glasses. TK: Two? GK: Please. TK: Pour moi??? GK: Please. Join me. TK: With pleasure, monsieur. (CORKSCREW. POP CORK) (LONG POUR) And for you, monsieur. (SHORT POUR) GK: Here's to spring, Maurice. Vive l'amour. Viva printemp. TK: You're not sure you're going to the Prom? GK: Here's to love. (CLINK) A message from the Cafe Boeuf. The home of good eaters, of heroism, of passion, of (KNOWING FRENCH LAUGH)???? (PLAYOFF) (c) 2001 by Garrison Keillor |
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Singer and songwriter Andra Suchy talks about singing duets with Garrison, and her latest album, Little Heart.
Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976
Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).
