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Bertha's Kitty Boutique (HEARTFELT MUSIC) GK: It's a delicate question that every family has to face sooner or later….. SS: Should we get a cat? Or would it be too much trouble? GK: On the one hand, there's the bother. The uncle who's allergic. TR: (GASPING, SINUSES FULL): Nice to see you again. Guess I'll be heading home. GK: The housekeeping issues. SS: WHOSE TURN IS IT TO EMPTY THE CAT POOP? GK: The damage to furniture. TR: (AGHAST) : My chair…my antique chair ---- GK: The complications whenever you have to go away….. SS: Okay. My dad'll come and feed her Monday and Tuesday, and Wednesday your mom….then Aunt Bella has Thursday through Sunday, and then she goes to the Kitty Ritz for a week --- TR: How much is the Kitty Ritz? SS: I don't want to talk about it, okay? (MUSIC) GK: And then thee are the medical problems. TR (DOCTOR): In situations like this, Julie, we would definitely recommend a CAT scan. GK: And the hairballs of course. (CAT GAGGING) But then there's the positive side. (MUSIC) All those times when it feels so good to have someone around. (MEOW) TR: Hi, babes. (PURR) Good old cat. (PURR) (TR WEEPY) Doggone it. So good to come home and find somebody who's glad to see me….(MEOW) Boy, what a day. (SIGH) (MEOW) You're all I've got, Puff. (MEOW) GK: A cat should you get one or not? It's a big question. Your child probably wants one. SS (KID): Can we take him home? Can we? Please? GK: And studies show that a cat helps your child's socialization process and develops empathy and compassion - that in a home with no pets, a child's emotional growth may be so stunted, so that when she's sixteen, ---- SS (TEEN): Outta my way, Mom, I hate you and everything you stand for. TR (LADY): Oh honey. Your entire body covered with vulgar tattoos! And that ring in your forehead!! SS (TEEN): I hate you, you are so utterly clueless! TR (LADY): Oh dear. And the medications aren't doing the trick either, are they? SS (TEEN): You are so ---- pitiful! TR (LADY): Oh dear. Maybe we should've bought you that kitty cat. (SOFT BRIDGE) GK: Maybe you should have. Sure, it's a bother. But if a kitty cat can keep your child from growing up to become a savage barbarian, maybe it's worth it. (MEOW) A message from Bertha's Kitty Boutique. (BKB JINGLE, GK SINGS: Oh, if you keep a cat, or keep two or three, © Garrison Keillor 2001 |
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An Interview with Heather Masse
In a 2009 interview, Heather Masse tells us about her earliest influences, auditioning in a women's bathroom, and a few memorable moments from A Prairie Home Companion.
Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976
Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).
