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Minnesota Diminishment Clinic GK: ...We'll be right back after this message. (MUSIC) TR: I had lunch the other day with a woman at work who told me that --- for the past ten years or so --- she's felt threatened by me. She never could tell me before. She said that every time I walked into a room, everybody sort of tensed up inside. I said, "I can't believe that! Why? Threatened by me? I'm harmless." And she said, "Yes, but you're over six feet tall, Cliff. You're probably six feet three." That day I took a good look at myself in the mirror. I decided maybe it's time to tried to lose some height. And that afternoon, I banged my head on the doorway. And I decided to call the Minnesota Diminishment Clinic. SS: This is Dr. Judith Flexner, diminishment specialist, with a word for tall men. Studies show that one reason men get tall is to exert power. The thought of domination excites a man's genetic makeup and he shoots up in his late teens so he can loom over people, this giant sullen hulk, and scare the bejabbers out of them. But does it make a man happy to be six-one, six-two, six-three? No. By the age of thirty, a man realizes that domination is not the basis of warm lasting relationships. That's where we come in, the Minnesota Diminishment Clinic. TR: Will I need to go through surgery? SS: At the Minnesota Diminishment Clinic, we take a multiple approach: of surgery combined with counseling and repressant medication. TR: But does it work? I've often thought about losing height and I've tried slouching, walking in the gutter, standing in potholes. But after weeks and weeks, and I'd only lost half an inch or so, I got discouraged and went right back up to where I was before. SS (COLDLY): I guarantee: I can make you two, three, or even four inches shorter. GK: If you feel unloved on account of excessive height, try the Minnesota Diminishment Clinic---- SS: Talk to any of our satisfied clients, like Earl here---- TR (OTHER, SHORT MAN): I'm Earl W. Kittredge and I used to be six-foot eight and I felt like a freak. Now, at five-foot-two, I feel much better about myself and how I fit in with other people. All my relationships are warmer. And it's not so awkward pulling on my pants. GK: That's MDC, the Minnesota Diminishment Clinic. Don't suffer from the embarrassment of excessive height, call MDC. © Garrison Keillor 2001 |
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Singer and songwriter Andra Suchy talks about singing duets with Garrison, and her latest album, Little Heart.
Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976
Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).
