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LCA (new AGE PIANO) FN: (TEEN) Dude, you won't believe what they make me do around here. Like, the yard, the lawn. Like I care about landscaping. Totally out of control. Totally. I mean, there's a real self-esteem problem happening here. GK: When it feels like you have too much responsibility, and all the thanks you're getting is an allowance, a roof over your head, new clothes, food, health and dental care, your own phone and Internet lines and thousands of dollars in a college fund …. . maybe it's time you call in a personal trainer from LCA - the Lundberg Counseling Agency. SS: (TOUGH) Now hear this, Mr. Smart Pants, and listen up good because I'll only say it once. If you don't change your tune, I'll send you to spend a few months at a dairy farm and find out the meaning of the word "work". You ever shovel cowpoop? You got any idea how much a hundred Holsteins can produce in a day? It makes lawn-mowing look like a day in the park. So wake up and smell the coffee, and I don't mean maybe. GK: The Lundberg Counseling Agency provides personal trainers who help you see your life in a new context. Other counselors tend to be equivocal on the subject of perspective---- TR (CAPOTE): Well, those are your feelings and first of all we have to accept the validity of your feelings and go from there---- GK: At Lundberg, you get it straight from the shoulder---- SS: My way or the highway, buster. You can worry about self-esteem issues after you have a full-time job. Right now, just shape up. FN: (TEEN) I got this new personal trainer. And she's awesome. Like totally. Really puts the picture into focus for me. I mean, dude. Now if she could only, like, teach me how to talk. You know? I mean, really. GK: The Lundberg Counseling Agency… in the Yellow Pages, under "Discipline. © Garrison Keillor 2002 |
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Now Available:
A Christmas Blizzard
GK's New Holiday Story
A comic novella about a Hawaii-bound holiday traveler who ends up stranded in his North Dakota hometown.
Audio edition also available»
The Prairie Home cruise has become legendary on two of the Seven Seas and now is setting sail on a third, a weeklong spring break cruise of the western Caribbean along the Mexican coast, and it leaves March 14 from Tampa.
Stories of a Wobegon romance far from home, all delivered with Garrison Keillor's trademark humor.
Read the first chapter»Signed Copies Available»
The latest collection of Lake Wobegon short stories gathered from live broadcasts include Confirmation Sunday, the church directory photos, Pastor Ingqvist's leather bound sermons along with song lyrics and the "95 Theses," among others. Companion audio also available.
Order now!»