LCA
Saturday, February 23, 2002
Listen


(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott: TR: Tim Russell, FN: Fred Newman; RD: Rich Dworsky)

(new AGE PIANO)

FN: (TEEN) Dude, you won't believe what they make me do around here. Like, the yard, the lawn. Like I care about landscaping. Totally out of control. Totally. I mean, there's a real self-esteem problem happening here.

GK: When it feels like you have too much responsibility, and all the thanks you're getting is an allowance, a roof over your head, new clothes, food, health and dental care, your own phone and Internet lines and thousands of dollars in a college fund …. . maybe it's time you call in a personal trainer from LCA - the Lundberg Counseling Agency.

SS: (TOUGH) Now hear this, Mr. Smart Pants, and listen up good because I'll only say it once. If you don't change your tune, I'll send you to spend a few months at a dairy farm and find out the meaning of the word "work". You ever shovel cowpoop? You got any idea how much a hundred Holsteins can produce in a day? It makes lawn-mowing look like a day in the park. So wake up and smell the coffee, and I don't mean maybe.

GK: The Lundberg Counseling Agency provides personal trainers who help you see your life in a new context. Other counselors tend to be equivocal on the subject of perspective----

TR (CAPOTE): Well, those are your feelings and first of all we have to accept the validity of your feelings and go from there----

GK: At Lundberg, you get it straight from the shoulder----

SS: My way or the highway, buster. You can worry about self-esteem issues after you have a full-time job. Right now, just shape up.

FN: (TEEN) I got this new personal trainer. And she's awesome. Like totally. Really puts the picture into focus for me. I mean, dude. Now if she could only, like, teach me how to talk. You know? I mean, really.

GK: The Lundberg Counseling Agency… in the Yellow Pages, under "Discipline.

© Garrison Keillor 2002

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

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