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Pants (VERY LIGHT COCKTAIL PIANO) SS: (QUIET, ELEGANT, DELICATE) Have you ever been on stage in front of an appreciative audience and suddenly it dawned on you that the cause of their amusement was the fact that your fly was down? If so, why not try the Barn Door Alarm from I C London, I C France. No more embarrassing moments, no more escaping livestock ---- if there's a problem, the Barn Door Alarm sounds a warning signal (PENALTY BUZZER). And you simply turn away from the audience ---- FN: I just wanna thank this wonderful bunch of guys in the band. Aren't they great? Aren't they great? I want to introduce my drummer----- (ZIP UP) SS: And you zip yourself up. On the other hand, when you're dying onstage and you need a little something extra (DOWN ZIP) press the Barn Door Opener and suddenly you're in show business again. (CROWD AWE) It's the Business that No Business Is Like, and sometimes people are drawn to your art, your message, your persona, and other times they're just curious what kind of underwear you have on. FN: White boxers with little raspberries. SS: Now every night can be a grand opening, with I C London, I C France … .(PIANO BUTTON) © Garrison Keillor 2002 |
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Now Available:
A Christmas Blizzard
GK's New Holiday Story
A comic novella about a Hawaii-bound holiday traveler who ends up stranded in his North Dakota hometown.
Audio edition also available»
The Prairie Home cruise has become legendary on two of the Seven Seas and now is setting sail on a third, a weeklong spring break cruise of the western Caribbean along the Mexican coast, and it leaves March 14 from Tampa.
Stories of a Wobegon romance far from home, all delivered with Garrison Keillor's trademark humor.
Read the first chapter»Signed Copies Available»
The latest collection of Lake Wobegon short stories gathered from live broadcasts include Confirmation Sunday, the church directory photos, Pastor Ingqvist's leather bound sermons along with song lyrics and the "95 Theses," among others. Companion audio also available.
Order now!»